Feliz Navidad!

i had a lesson just down the street at 11:00 this morning with a new student. she's a fortune teller and is studying in preparation to better communicate with her soul mate whom she met in a dream - oh, and his name is michael too. when she first saw my name posted at the international center she thought i might be him, but then she called me and said that she didn't recognize my voice - so i must not be him. it was a good lesson (a christmas and new years dialog) and when i got home i saw that i had missed a package!

side note - why does eric clapton let these fucking white people CLAP ALONG to the blues.. what the fuck! really! can't he make them stop! i can't listen to that shit - it makes be homicidal.

the third box!! i had been really worried that the customs people might not have let it through or that it got lost or misdelivered. but it was here in okayama! i tried to find a number i might call - maybe i could just go pick it up at some post office? i was pissed that i missed it - i should have still been in my pajamas at 11 something.. i could have been eating mexican lunch! (dad, you gave the mexican food away, but it honestly only intensified my excitement!) i couldn't find out where to go and hiroshi and teresa were calling me out to eat homemade rice cakes and new years stuff for lunch. i hung out with them for a while and then popped back home to practice my bass! i was just working out some stage theatrics on "the midnight train" when the post man slid the door open with my package! he knows me because he delivers taku's lost and subsequently found cell phones every few weeks or so and he's dead friendly. anyway i had my box, but i had a lesson and then band practice, so i didn't actually get to it until tonight. when i finally broke it out i was cooking and eating in such an excited state that i managed to burn myself twice and got a fair amount of food on my shirt~

but OMG, it was AWESOME!! i just ate the end-all-be-all taco feast to-end-all taco feasts alone at 12:30 am on a thursday morning!! man, i'm still reeling. it had been so long since i had refried beans!! they knocked me out! i was spooning them from the can! i could have eaten the whole thing cold - i shit you not! i managed to restrain myself so that they can accompany tomorrow's breakfast, lunch, and dinner! what i hot christmas present!!

table setting party?

what's a table setting party? at first i assumed that table setting, much like making tea or arranging flowers, is considered an art form in japan and there is some strict set of traditional rules governing the "correct" way to set a table..

i recently started teaching a group of 8 year olds! their moms are all friends and rotate lesson hosting duties between their homes. it's good fun really - the kids are alright, and we keep it light. one of the moms studies table setting (?) and invited me to a party at her home after my lesson last friday evening. we did a christmas themed lesson (santa says, all i want for christmas, etc) and then joined a throng of 40 something ladies for evidently a potluck party with one impressive table setting~ it wasn't in fact any traditional art, but a series of creative martha stewart-esque tips and tricks put into practice for an attractive table. impress your friends with a festive holiday table arrangement and a invite a young foreign man! i was happy to go - the food was awesome - and we all exchanged recipes, of course. the kids all fell asleep watching kung-fu movies in the next room and all those ladies got smashed and rode home on their bicycles. unbelievable.

another fast-food thanksgiving in japan.

the "turkey" was of course provided by the colonel as were the coleslaw and a biscuit for good measure. the mashed potatoes were homemade (and damn good, i might add). i couldn't for the life of me find a good pie.. i did find one $10 apple pie about the size of a cd at a posh cake shop - but opted for the mcdonalds variety and an ice cream bar from the conbini~ it may not have been an ideal thanksgiving dinner, but it was loads of food and was consumed with fork and knife!! pretty spot-on!

do you remember watching the parade on tv in grandma's basement? remember green carpet? remember thinking there was a different parade on every channel? remember the kid table and 2 the orange vegetables? remember mom's cranberry bread? remember looking up at orion in the driveway? remember the reflections of dashboard lights on the windows in the back seat and squinting at the lights of oncoming cars until they stretched out in parallel lines that reached up to the sky? remember dad carrying your sleeping sister in from the car? yes? well, then remember that we've got a lot to be thankful for.

getting back to basics

wait a second - i didn't come to japan to WORK!! i didn't move to japan to make money! why on earth did i want that crappy job anyway?! clearly money was not a motivating factor in my leaving my engineering job to teach english in japan. the whole bloody point was to get out there and see the world! live it! experience it! the whole point was to avoid wasting my youth stuck in a cubical! what made me think that i should spend the next few months working for Nova?!

i guess i got stuck in my new shoes - thinking that japan has a good economy on a global scale - that my japanese yen can carry me far in and around asia - that i should be saving it! but that's ignoring the fact that i am already living abroad and there's so much i haven't seen and done here. i guess i just got used to japan. i'm in the groove and i've sunk in deep enough that i'm no longer an awe-struck traveler. but that's all just a state of mind - it's time i used my time better and get out there and love it again!

you might even say that my current situation is optimal. if i'm making any more money than i absolutely need to support myself (and my rock&roll lifestyle) that's just evidence of time spent working that could have been better spent soaking up the experience~ teaching privates and odd gigs is great! i'm only really working a few hours a day and i have total control of my schedule!! how many people in japan can even say that?! i live in a culture where lifetime enslavement to one's work is the norm! even working conditions for foreigners isn't good by any american standard. i've found a loop-hole and i'm self-employed and i love it! sure, a little bit more cash would help me travel around a little bit more and go out more often (it's been a while since i treated myself to karaoke). but i'm the man - i can round up a little cash without working for someone else! of course, it will be difficult if i don't want to play FUCKING SANTA CLAUS!!!

~the kid's alright~

to the free spirit, the future is his most coveted treasure - a beautiful and infinite sea of possibility! it's limitless and good, for he, the free at heart, is also helplessly optimistic. he gazes out over his endless realm of possibility with great satisfaction and spends his days contemplating what might be found just over the horizon.

free as he is, he boldly sails for grand horizons and foreign lands bearing riches beyond his wildest dreams! but to the helplessly optimistic each golden horizon is more grand and promising than the last. he bravely changes courses and chases dreams - he always will - until the day his future dries up and he finds that he hasn't actually gone anywhere at all.

i can't even get a job at NOVA?! they are the absolute shit-ass, bottom-end of crappy big english schools!! they employ any degenerate looser ex-con with a mail order degree and they won't give me a fucking job? what's their problem?

well - fuck'em, i was gona' quit that shit after 6 months anyway.. still, i feel pretty pathetic - can't even get a job at the McDonalds of english schools.. man.

who the fuck girl's name is this written in my book like i should know it? who the hell is HA-RU-KA?! she writes (or wrote), "please email me and if you are come to wakayama calling my phone" and then there's a kissing face.. [if you have any idea who this person might be, please post a comment]

we can't see the sky for the clouds!

look at that fucking sky!! the sun is blasting trough fat, full lumps of solid cloud - mostly fair-weather white but a few dark grey, foreboding rain - and they go, they stretch across the sky in every direction, all the way from the himalayas to the dark heart of the pacific! i can't even take it all in! the world is in such full color and sharp contrast, i'm sure i will collide with it. but can you see this sky! i've got to cross the street just to get a better look at the place i was standing before! i have to jump, but the roofs of houses just keep pushing higher, closing in all around me. no one can see it but me, i'm sure - everyone else is rushing, rolling, in long coats and cold cars. can't they see this sky?! how can they be rushing off to work inside when heaven is directly above us at this very moment shining down with all the light of faith and God?! and more importantly, how can I? why am i to spend my life looking down or else buried under the shield we hold against heaven's judgment? we build, we tear down, we build higher, closer, bigger, stronger - human hands carry darkness higher, closing out the sky, power lines cutting it into pieces. we fear it's light, we dash about hiding from the looming truth, avoiding so much as a glance up at the gates of heaven and take safe refuge in our collective distraction until a time we feel it's safe to return home, the sun having set and the dark of night having closed heaven's eyes on us. at least for today..

guilt as inspiration - the pathetic return to blogging

-to those of you who requested it's return, i have already let you down.

i hate looking for jobs. what i really want is my old job back - the one i quit shortly after my last entry more that 6 pathetic months ago - but that is a contract i failed to sign and an unrequited love i've left behind. it was a sweet gig, though i didn't really realize it at the time. i've had my adventure in self-employment and now i just want someone else to pay me for my time and require nothing more than my physical presence in return. i'm looking for the lowest common denominator in english teaching jobs, something so mind-numbingly repetitive that i can do it in my sleep and forget the whole mess the second i walk out the door. yes, i will have to wear a tie for this sort of job, but now i can see it's advantages clearly. the goal is to make enough money to travel, though the specifics of what exactly that entails are unknown at the present time.

it's not that things didn't work out - if i wasn't so fickle and impatient, i could probably see this thing to some reasonable fruition and make a fair bankroll. but the sad fact of the matter is that i'm pretty pathetic when it comes to sticking to my guns. premature decisions when coupled with drastic life change can really restore that vital element of control over one's life. it's a double shot of adrenalin on the rocks - the sweet freedom of youth, the rush of new faces and places, and the euphoria of living in the present moment unhindered by the weight of all one's past and future.

so, i'm looking for a job.. man i hate looking for a jobs.

life update:

hey! sorry, it's been so long.. i've been busy. BIG news on the way! but first..

in about an hour the amazen hazen should be rolling into okayama on the hikari limited express! for those of you tragically unfamiliar with the man, he's a long-time friend and room mate from university. i'm guessing he's been traveling for 18 or so hours but, knowing the guy, he should still be up for a night on the town!

man, hazen's great - he's always into eating the weirdest possible shit and doing the craziest stupid shit even i've been too embarrassed to admit i want to do.. here's the list he sent me last week (he really wrote this):

- See Basho Sumo tournament in Osaka
- Visit Peace Park (park and museum showing the effects of the Atomic bomb) in Hiroshima
- Beach it, check out the tropical like setting of Okinawa
- Temples, Japanese Gardens, Cherry Blossom Trees, see the Geinra in Kyoto
- Lonely Planet recommends a JTB Sunrise Tour which has the same kind of reputation as the tour we went on back in Germany (remember Boris's tour?)
- Try a public bath house (sento or onsen)
- Stay at a capsule hotel. (* holy shiat! So it really is like sleeping in coffin?)
- Stay at a love hotel?
- Spend a .5 day at Mt. Fuji
- Go to electronic district in either Osaka (Den Den Town) or Tokyo (Akihabara)
- Ride a bullet train (shinkansen I believe it's called)
- Try a bunch of authentic food, meet some new ppl, drink a lot of beer

i love it! i couldn't have imagined a more hazen vacation!

he's hanging here this week so i've made a short list of okayama adventures and challenges to keep him busy while i'm at work.

next weekend alex and eric are landing in tokyo and we'll meet the 2 of them and taku for a 4 day japan adventure via rail! (thanks truly to my dear sweetheart manager for getting me some time off!) i'm totally geeked! i've been so lucky (taku says blessed) with visiters this year! i'll try to give you all the highlights! here we go!

D: 4 days left says:
should i bring rollerblades?

-mike! says:
hell NO!!

-mike! says:
in fact, you should not own roller blades.. no one should

D: 4 days left says:
no one uses them?

-mike! says:
i've seen a skateboard with two wheels and a motor.. but rollerblades i have not, and will not see

D: 4 days left says:
weird

D: 4 days left says:
ok, thanks for the info

singing

i can't see the source, even from my perch so high above the world, but have many times before. this is a common (popular?) form of public address in japan: announcement via van-top megaphone - a rather obnoxious and seemingly inefficient system given everything i've come to think i know about japan.

it's a child's voice, yes? a boy maybe 12 years old is singing short phrases of a traditional song or a prayer between more typical, official-sounding public reminders of some kind. i don't understand the purpose of the announcement - no one tells me anything - but can guess it has something to do with the small dolls and decorations that have been appearing in shop windows recently. i feel so alien sometimes, watching these strange communal creatures go about their observances of which i know almost nothing. the boy's song, watercolored in changing direction and doppler orientation, is pouring in through my window bringing with it the clear and the cold i was hoping to avoid by burying myself in some distraction of reading or watching - that is until hunger or the promise of social interaction (any excuse really) drives me from my home. fate, or chance&timing, whichever you prefer, will decide the shape of said distraction. they will call me. i will not call them. maybe i should call them.. (and when i say call, i mean email or "text". no one calls.. that's a lie - sometimes eri calls.)

liberty: "what's up?"

- always the same peace offering always cautious and unassuming. liberty's overflowing with social guilt again and attempts to give me a hurried once-over of email maintenance. i get this same "what's up?" every 2 weeks or so and always respond instantly and at length. i often invite her to join me for coffee or whatever debaucherous exploits may be planed for the coming weekend. she never responds - that is, not for another 2 weeks or so and at what point she simply resends the message seen above. oh, liberty, if you're not going to have a sense of social responsibility, why bother suffering under the weight of so much social guilt?

me: "yo!"

shortest. email. ever.. no response.. ehh - give'r 2 weeks.

i get impatient.. i email everyone i know. here's what comes back:

ayako (long lost street friend): "I am in okayama now! i want to meet with everyone!" (an informal version of "take care" in hirigana, this fat thumbs up man: (o^-' )b )

- she's super weird and that's good! i can't wait for spring to come so we can reclaim the streets!!

robin/lovin (in japanese and some scattered roman letters): "thanks for coming to the show and giving me your cd! this is your band, right? the optionals? (fireworks) are you playing bass or guitar?" (waggling red question mark, waving hand, happy purple winking face sticking out tongue)

- she's has an amazing voice and it's good to pop in and see some live music when i can, better if i know the performers. still, we have to communicate in my wretched japanese.. so..

aki (eri's friend, often served with coffee - bitter): "Hi, yes can be friend.but can't meet you without anothers.let's get together on friday.See you, A-ki"

- she's recently been downgraded to acquaintance by both eri and myself. we agree that she's beautiful, but obnoxiously typical. we will not see her friday.

eri (as usual, eri will be played by herself in un-adultered flowing Forwards): "Very agreeable! Aki and other friends invited me and I refused today. Do you have other friends, Mike? What will you do tonight?" .. "I am staying quiet and relaxed. Investigating by pc, fashion press and jarnalist recruits today. I was still confused myself yesterday with plural directions to consider and decide no regret. I want to pace myself and be clear satisfyingly on what I want to do now on and way to walk. I go out next weekend yo! I be back my world. Zoom zoom zizz! Eri"

- looks like i'm staying in. that's ok - i have a book!

this is my favorite picture! the first bite of a squiq-on-a-stick is always the best!  

the naked man festival!

okayama is home to one of the strangest festivals in japan, the hadaka matsuri! thousands of men from all over the country come to compete for fame and glory in nothing but their skin! how could i miss this!

when lola and i arrived at the saidaiji train station (beer in hand) we were greeted by a bronze statue commemorating the event. the upper-halves of several chiseled men erupting from a crowd - the highest one, held up by a comrade, is making a fingertip catch for the win - greatness all over his face! on this night, lanterns hang all around them and thousands of candles twinkle below, possibly commemorating those lives lost in the struggle throughout the years.

we were picked up by a student and a friend of ours, susumu the dentist, and wisked off to his beautiful home in his new RANGE ROVER!! (this car looks about 3 times bigger in japan than it does in the states - it was ludicrous). we enjoyed food and drinks at his place and schmoozed with friends. after a few hours, we all piled into cars and headed back into town! parking was a puddle after 2 straight days of rain and we joined the crowd on our way to the temple - and what a crowd!

walking through town was like edging through a carnival midway! there were lanterns and music, all the sizzling and smells of street vended delicacies. and then there were the naked men! we had to make way for rows of them jogging past. and, well, the truth is they weren't completely naked - they were each wearing a single white cloth wrapped and tied to cover only the most essentials (think sumo diaper).

they've come to march through the streets and drink mass quantities before congregating in a heap on the front steps of saidaiji temple were they will push and shout and squirm to get good position. at midnight all hell breaks lose!

someone, some lucky monk, maybe, throws a single baton into the man mass at exactly 12:00 AM and the crowd is left to it's own devices in deciding who will take the baton across town to the judges, tv cameras, and cash prize. there's a fair amount of naked violence involved in the struggle. most men have formed alliances with others from their local temple or university. some have formed huge teams and developed strategies!

were weren't close enough to see individual punches being thrown, but we could see the heaving waves of flailing men as the baton made its way down the steps and out of the temple. it was a little anticlimactic - like watching the start of a race - but it was worth seeing.

clap my hands!

ahh..

saturday morning: a deep breath of winter air - crisp, sobering - complete and pure - it's my first breath. i step out into the sun. i've never been here before. God, it's so beautiful.. i'm surfacing after a long pull of cold lake michigan water. this is sun, this is air - feel the water run down my body taking with it the campfire, the red wine, the darkness of the night before, the sand, the sweat, the sun-baked tent and the thousands of tosses and turns, the open eyes of the many hours of morning. know and love these things. it's so bright.

pull, and pop! the ringing is gone. how long has that seed been in my teeth? that stone in my shoe? that water in my ear? i can hear everything - this is the first time. the clarity! these overtones! this is joy - and the world is snow melting on my tongue! how long have i been gone?!

i hear a symphony! i'm in the bright, shining world of the living and diana ross is here too! it's music in my head and it's finding it's way into my fingertips, into my soul, and out into the morning - i'm singing as i pedal toward work! hello, old lady! hello, little dog! hello, mitsubishi!

later i will have a joyful reunion with my inner-monologue! always crack'n wise and say'n all the shit i shouldn't. i'm so damn funny, and i've got so much to say - or, at least, i'm always talking. where have you been, friend? these are higher level brain functions! this is not only the automatic pilot that has somehow steered me through these last 2 weeks.. maybe i was worse off than i realized. i was afraid i had just learned to live with my demon as a survival mechanism, but now i know he's gone, destroyed in the fires of my courageous heart!

i'm healthy and i know it - clap my hands!

it's incredible - the speed with which i am passed from one set of open arms to another. it's scary how totally unanchored my social life is right now.. i'm a feather in the fucking wind.

clearly - we've got a lot of catching up to do, and i apologize that it's been so long. i've come down with a case of the hong-kong-flu-y (illegally smuggled into japan by non-other than my fabulous friend of so many years, chiann)!

i wouldn't do to say, "i've been sick" - indeed, it's really more like "i've been possessed" - or that is, i've been exorcist-sick. my demon has rendered my physical self completely useless and imprisoned my mental self in a nightmare version of my job by day and a psychedelic fever dream state by night. for a week now these halves have shared equal portion as i've been sleeping for 12 hours a night as a countermeasure.

- i will wage war on you by night - fear my wrath!
- orange juice can bring you comfort by day but nothing can protect you in sleep.
- God can protect me.
- not if you doubt him.
- then you can not win.

"abunai yo!" - a warning - shattered against my clenched teeth and reverberating around inside my skull. above my moving bicycle i am my floating head, drifted as in a dream down to her - time is still slow but catching up. *crash!

"oh my God! are you ok?" i'm standing over hiromi - touching her face and hands. she unfolds in my arms, stretches as if waking there. so quiet, "ii - te," (mike, it hurts). i wince back. i look up at the taxi driver. sitting, he's smoking as if waiting for the light to change. he's scowling. he has so many faces.

eri is here now. "i'm fine, i'm ok" hiromi's eyes are open - a single mascara tear rolling from each. - her voice is so american. she sounds just like lola.

chiann and taku came to visit me in okayama! what a fabulous time we had! all together and happy - just like old times! saturday we all went drinking and dancing with eri and her friends (we all agreed that eri is the nazz). sunday we packed all the food and booze we would need and took a train way out into the countryside to stay at the villa in takebe! the villa was beautiful and right on the river - best of all, it had a hot spring! we took a dip after dark and then moved inside to cooperatively cook a giant dinner of yaki-soba and salad. we drank a jug of carlo, a milk carton of sake, and a 24 pack of malt-liquor-near-beer between us - 1020 would have been proud. we were still wearing our oh-so-japanese happi coats from our dip in the spring and it made for some great pictures. it was cold as hell. we all passed out and shivered through the night. chiann's ever-present death cough has been multiplied by her proximity to china and she shook our souls with it's depth. i blame the booze, the cold, and the chinamen for my contraction of the possession-flu.

- i don't think chinaman is the correct nomenclature
- you know in your heart that it is

scowling - he took his time. he was holding something. a clipboard. he spat and cursed. he walked around the cab and stood over hiromi, still propped up against his car. he pointed down at her with his crooked smoking fingers - many faces rolling over so many yellow teeth - he belched out some hateful accusation.

my fingers wrapped around the taped, familiar handle of the baseball bat i longed to find in my right hand. i wanted to scatter those broken, bleeding teeth all over the street.
he's asking for money. right here? now? snake. he's the one that will pay. eri, call the police.

- but you know that the light was red.
- i saw nothing. he will pay.

the police came and transformed from their blue suites into their space-man crime scene safety outfits: white helmets, silver reflective vests with red runner lights and illuminating hip packs. they took everyone's account of the situation and many measurements in the street. i was grateful that no one was interested in speaking to me - tough i've always preferred having the power of flight to the ability to disappear.

hiromi and eri were swept away by the taxi cab's insuranceman. a-ki and i were now alone. it was the first time i noticed her there, though she hadn't taken her eyes off me since the accident. we went out for coffee and and a kiss on the cheek. we were very happy.

here we are in takebe!

the other half of a most amusing series of emails

Mike. :) I wakatted! I love the way you dance! It was like a commedy sketch we both each other, wasn't it!But you were skilled like a Charie Chapplin! How did you get your style? I act as I feel into rhythms and beats and developped my free style! Not minding how I look and judged by others. Actually, you were there and I could be spunky as I am. It was a fabious weekend! Waa! :o Eri

You too Mike! Definiately eye catching you were amongst everyones were dancing patterned! You have a lot of stories into music desne.:-> Found you the best dance mate for the first time! At first I didn't have brave to get minggled up with you and you gave an ice break by jumping at me! Haha! I used to have complex not being able to dance like other sexy women bouncing tits and blowing their long hair cool ways. I developped my original way to enjoy myself going many times! Recently I had been retired from club scenes getting tired with my patterns. You are certainly much more skilled and various than me thus I got stimulated to compete with you! I am happy that we could entertain people there I reckon! So you got here recently? Now happy with your new hair, Mike? I am visiting London in April and may call on into a club, Blue Note. I would enjoy dance the best if could find a funny dancer like you, Mike! So let's occupy dance stage for developping our next dance show too! Yeah! Bang! Bang! Eri

Why you hate your hair style? You got shaved it all? I think your curry hair was smart and fashionable enough for work and conferences! Who would your curry hair judge not tidy? I have short spiky hair by hair gum or wax and yesterday the hat made my hair style naff! So when the hat escaped I screamed! Kyaaaa! You were kind to my hat! Haha!

ENGENEERING '9-5'?YEARS?? MICHIGAN'S CAPITAL CITY IS DETROYD! SO YOU WERE A CAR ENGENEER!AND YOU WERE A MEMBER OF A ROCKE'N ROLL AMATURE BAND, MIKE?

So your days now ぼうけん and とてもたのしい？I am just back home. Been out since last evening staying at Aki's! You keep your self warm zipping up your jamper, Mike! Not opening jacket busy like last night! Haha! Hot bath for me! またね☆ Eri

kids trainers SOS

The following is an actual email to my support staff in osaka:

[ dear kids trainers, it looks like i just wrote you a book - please consider my situation and offer me whatever support and advice you can. * first, on a business note, i have MK, A, B, and C level pre-lessons next week!! i have the materials you sent for A, and B, but was alerted today that MK (and maybe C) level pre-lessons are not standard issue. we've sold these classes and i'm expected to teach them. please save me! ]

i got a marvelous good look at my ass today as it was being handed to me on a silver platter by a room full of darling children..

i had my first kids lesson today and it was a triple-fat model-lesson with major sales potential. i had plenty of advanced notice and took special care to be as prepared as possible. i flipped through the KEW teacher's handbook this week as a review and committed my three lesson plans to memory. i had seen trainer john do something not unlike this a few weeks ago and it didn't look like anything i couldn't handle.

i arrived early and found my wonderful staff girls making the room ready - they had already pulled my materials and made photocopies for me (they are so great). my director asked me to entertain/distract the kids while she took their parents money and i cheerfully agreed.

my first lesson was an AL, just 2 kids - twins in fact, and identically dressed. they were shy in the lobby, but max helped break the ice a little bit. when we stepped into the room and got started, the girls would have nothing to do with me. thing 1 was totally lost in space, unreceptive to any outside stimulus. thing 2, bless her heart, had it in for me. throughout the hello song and head,shoulders,etc., she screamed and wiggled refusing to compromise my survival! mom and grandma did everything they could.. she wasn't going to have it. she finally brightened up at the prospect of throwing a giant die at me for 5 min, though touching her nose was clearly asking too much. she ran out of breath for teddy bear and fumed silently. thing 1 just lay there like a slug.

then the strangest thing happened.. the pair of them were completely captivated by the damn alpha mats. each paired with a guardian, they were touching, understanding, and saying the names of the letters as prompted. i couldn't believe it! things deteriorated again as i intro-ed the good bye song, the girls reverting to their stunned and militant prior states, respectively.

[thing 1 personality i can handle - she eventually snapped out of it and joined the class as i hoped she would. thing 2, however.. - i mean, what can you do when a toddler screams at you for 10 min? her mom's right there and can't stop it.. ]

so, things didn't go so well.. i just hope their mother understands.. i walked out to the lobby with them and grandma seemed to have things under control, allowing mom to talk business.

next was MK - i had 17 min. i quickly set to throwing my outline up on the board and switching tapes only to receive a stiff reminder that i was asked to watch the kids - now a lobby of nearly 6 of them. i walked around but only frightened the children that weren't already face-buried in their mothers. legos were everywhere thanks to my new best friend (and we all know him well), yusuke.

[ i now recognize the dire importance of warming up to the students in the lobby before class, but find i'm at a total loss for words when it comes to kid's lobby talk and mom-side manner. i got "what's your name/age?" - but i could use some pointers here. ]

my new class fell into their student rolls as i pre-taught "let's have fun". on my right, dream child - a fabulously bright and outgoing little girl - followed along and repeated everything i said with boisterous laughter! yusuke followed along to a degree, but made it clear that he would only do so if he could have free run of the room and was occasionally allowed to open and close the classroom sliding door. his mom seemed to agree to these conditions, but was rather red-faced that she couldn't control him in the least. next was a small round boy who preferred to be a permanent fixture on his mother's lap, teetering on the edge of sleep. finally was a hand puppet of 15 months.. clearly just there for the exposure.

things went.. ok. the kids weren't nearly as hypnotized by the video as they should have been (personalities carrying them as they had at the beginning of class). the parachute was a big hit. i struggled to include the guardians and the two children that resembled furniture, but was betrayed by obscured nametags.

i'm not sure what kind impression/sale i made. i did, however, keep the kids in my room for the 20 min interim period, as to give the staff a chance to make said sale. well, that is, i attempted to keep them in my room.. anyway, i was able to get my next lesson plan on the board under elephant fire (yusuke has at least learned the word "catch"), but wasn't allowed a lobby opportunity to warm up to the my next three AM's.

I started out AM breaking in 2 shy kids with some commando. a third lurked outside struggling to crawl back into his mother's whom. my 2 kids responded ok and i did eventually elicit 5 fruit names from each. the third eventually made it into the room but opted to spend his lesson in the corner with his face in a cushion. every time i so much as looked in his direction, he flinched as if from an incoming blow to the head. i offered him fruit, feely-bag, you name it. my efforts were hopeless, my attention just made it worse. when i pulled the table out, he did huddle up to check us out revealing a full-grown una-brow.. likely the cause of all his dramatic embarrassment.

[ in retrospect, i should have invited mom in to coddle lil' una-brow.. but things went ok with the other 2. i did botch the timing a little (due to a small class and failing interest) but extended color time and covered for it ok. ]

so, i had a talk with my staff. they seem to be a little let down that i'm not so naturally talented at teaching kids as i am at everything else (hehe). the worst part is: i think their perception of my performance came directly from parent perceptions - eek. i was able to explain to them why lobby time was proving to be technically difficult, as i do need some of that 20 min. to prepare.

i'm not happy with the way things went today. i clearly lack experience in teaching kids (and experience with kids in general). i'm sure i would improve over time, but my situation here in okayama does not permit such a luxury. i have pre-lessons next week and it's time for me to shine! i've got more model lessons coming up and it's imperative that i do an outstanding job and do my part to sell this program!

now that i've at least done these lessons once, i'm hoping to spend more of my available brain power on classroom management issues. i will read what we've got on this, though (and you know) it can be more difficult to implement these theories in the actual classroom. of course, the pre-lessons are all new to me and will require some working memory allocation to the task at hand, time management, etc.

thanks so much, kids trainers, for hanging with my situation here in okayama. if you were closer, i would have insisted we have this conversation over beers.. but an obscenely long email will have to do. please again * note my pre-lesson requirement stated at the beginning of this email. hear from you soon. -mike!

ECC岡山の Michael Josiah Solo

frozen friends '05

i returned to okayama to find her streets empty – my friends driven inside by the biting cold. i was sure i would find megumi, still braving the bitterest in the shortest of skirts, but the post-card poet was nowhere to be found. i can't imagine what horrible cold finally broke her, but clearly no one dared stay in it after she'd gone.

my heater had also broken, and it had become too cold in my apartment to pretend otherwise. i spent my evenings camped-out in a coffee shop; lesson planning, pondering, and studying japanese - all undertakings newly motivated by "resolution list '05".

indeed, i was hitting the books. the structured learning was providing a much needed backbone for my otherwise protozoaic proficiency in the language. but then the weekend rolled round and i decided i deserved a break. with my usual avenues of social and solitary distraction frozen, i became reacquainted with an acquaintance of mine; miss america.

i met liberty on the first day of our japanese class. she had already been in okayama for several months but somehow hadn't sunk in any deeper than "air-i-gato" - her meek, questioning tone betraying her to her insecurities and fragile sense of self-worth. a week later i had advanced a level and she had given up, opting instead to spend her thursday noon’s enjoying the familiarity of flannel pajama pants and macaroni and cheese. i had seen her one time since then, walking the well worn path between mcdonald's and "the big daikon", huddled in the warmth and safety of her gaijin friends. i'm sure it was the riddling guilt that she had somehow hurt my feelings by not emailing me that brought her to emailing me. "wana try this new pizza place?"

despite liberty's shortcomings in matters of assimilation, she’s a lot of fun and has managed to fall in with a pretty great little crowd of japanese and foreigners that i am now fortunate enough to call friends. we're even tentatively planning a trip to a local ski hill!

***

now my heater's fixed and i'm warm and safe in a whole new social situation. in fact, i'm getting this warm and fuzzy, no-place-like-home feeling just being back in okayama and back at work. more than ever, i'm looking forward to the challenge and experience this year will bring!

another epically long flight back to japan.. and only a week later. what day is this?

i was happy to see taku waiting for me at the airport! i could have navigated the trains through the greater tokyo metropolitan, but wasn't in any condition to do so smiling. when we got back to his place i pretty much just passed out - and right in the middle of the pride fight too!

on the first we got up and did a little bit of city exploring. we were both surprised to find most of the city on shut-down for the holiday. we did eventually find a crowd of people in harajuku and blindly followed them past the most amazing street food and right through the gates of the famous meiji shrine! we ended up there completely by mistake, but even i know that meiji shrine is the single most popular (and therefore best) place in japan to wish/pry for good luck on the first of the year! the long walk through the woods was serenely zen-ful despite our sharing it with a few million people. of course, i have no great understanding or faith in shinto practices, but i followed suite and threw 5 en just in case it brings me some luck this year. it couldn't hurt, right?

we got home around beer o'clock - and because taku's mom was regretfully away (helping her father at their family shrine) - the guys headed out in search of refreshment. we found an izakaiya near the train station that was open and we all shuffled in. taku's brother manned the touch-screen menu controller and dad paid for everything! the food was great and it became clear that taku's heart-and-soul appreciation/enjoyment of good food and drink runs in his bloodline! sadly this indulgence would be our undoing - taku and i drank too much and sang karaoke too long into the night. we managed to waste the 2nd and the 3rd due to hangovers that could not be cured with ramen alone.

when taku's mom returned, she was finally able to resurrect us with her fabulous omochi new-years cooking extravaganza! but by the time we were aliveist, it was time for me to head home. taku's mom is the sweetest lady to bless this half of the planet and was so sad to see me go. she gave me cute new year's good luck charms and even forced some cash on me with tears in her eyes.

i loved to spending time with the aihara's and had a very japanese new year. now i feel like I have a family here, and though they're still not close, they're closer.

a week of record-setting rain appropriately set the stage for my week in los angeles. it wasn't bright smiling sunshine, but it still beat the hell out of a tsunami wiping the city off the face of the earth.

i was so happy to find my grandfather spirited and himself despite the clockwork of medication and hospitalization that has become his life. he even made a request for okonomiyaki, the cabbage pancake he had been eager to try since my blog description weeks ago. his positive attitude made my family forget every reason we had to be sad and we were able to relax and enjoy our time together - we even visited the happiest place on earth!

being back in america gave me a chance to catch up with some old friends - namely, "the burnt tortilla", "lucille's smokehouse bar.b.que", and "roscoe's house of chicken 'n waffles". i was happy to see them all again, but i seem to have lost my ability to disappear even a half-rack of beef ribs, well.. at least when their served with corn on the cob, garlic mashed potatoes, salad, and fresh backed biscuits. oh yeah..

i spent the week weather-effected, jet-lagged, and food-coma-ed, still it was wonderful to see my family and see poppies smiling and himself!

here's a rare sight - a rainbow on cloudy hermosa beach:

what are your holiday plans?

- it's been the subject of many-a-lesson this month. as a result i've learned a lot about the japanese holiday season: the hardest phrase to pronounce in the english language is "visit relatives" and there seems to be some global mis-teaching of the phrase "go back to my home town". japanese will enjoy 3-10 days off, though some will have to work through them. they go to KFC on christmas and give presents to children - most of which tragically "believe santa claus". new years is the big holiday and traditions include watching television for three days and visiting a shrine/temple to pray/wish for good luck.

i've developed another practiced, concise, graded-language holiday explanation to match my "why japan" answer: i'm going to "visit relatives" in california this christmas then i'm going to stay with my japanese friend's family in kanagawa prefecture for the new year's holiday!

it would just be too troublesome and strange to explain how my grandfather has just found out that he has worst-case-scenario brain cancer and my family decided to fly me to LA to see him for what might be the last time - at least with his health – and how i would be flying in and out of tokyo, making it serendipitously possible to visit taku for a few days.

pray/wish us luck! gambatte, gramps!

bad santa..

i awoke this morning to the desperate horror of my real-audio, jpop ringtone and the corresponding realization that i'd overslept!!

"Oh no! It's 9:30!" (i'm dizzy) "miyoko, i overslept! i'm sorry!!"

"you are at your home right now?" she can't believe it. neither can i.

"oh no! i'm so sorry.. gomen nasai!!"

"alright. so.. (something in japanese) we can maybe take the next train. i will call you again, ok. please make yourself prepared!"

"shitshitshitshit! i'm so damn far from prepared." i stumbled through a top-speed shower/dressing still wigglelingly drunk from last nights high jinx. what the hell was i thinking..

miyoko is an ecc junior teacher/administrator who works in the cramped back office of ecc with 2-12 other very busy japanese. she's the one that's about 7 months pregnant and spends most of her time performing intensely polite phone calls in her straight-backed, tourguide voice. i know because i can hear every unnecessary apology from my little glass both (where i spend most of my time performing hideously demeaning "lessons" in my talking-to-morons voice). this morning miyoko was standing on platform 12 in crisp clear december learning that the man she had chosen as her santa claus was an unreliable, alcoholic buffoon. i get the feeling she was only half surprised. despite my attempts to assimilate, i feel like i still come off as unprofessional and unpresentable when compared to japanese standards. anyway, i'm sure i only overslept to satisfy her expectations.

weeks and weeks ago she asked me if i could attend the ecc junior christmas party. it was on my day off, but i figured i could score a free lunch. i thought it was strange that she was looking for a commitment rather than a simple "sure i’d love to", but i was happy to be a willing team player and told her i would be there with bells on. if i had known then how literally i would be wearing bells, i would have thought twice about the christmas party.

in the more recent weeks, miyoko occasionally dropped by apologetically to give me more information on the christmas party. turns out it was actually a group lesson/craft session for about 25, 5-8 year-olds (so, these gigs are more like work, but they pay). she gave me an outline of the lesson plan and it seemed pretty standard - hokey pokey and christmas card and what not. she told me only yesterday that i would be appearing as santa clause.. "oh, and please pack a lunch." (damn)

i flew from my apartment! coughing and congested, i pedaled like the wind! i ran through the station and out onto the platform! i found miyoko with a phone call and plopped down next to her. so began a long series of sincere apologies. it turns out we would not be late by american standards (or even technical ones), so i would not have to commit ritual suicide. i felt drunk and can only assume that i appeared and smelled as such. realizing that this was one of my lifetime low points, i decided to go ahead and eat my breakfast on the train (considered rude.. but at this point, who am i trying to impress?).

we rode the train into the distant countryside and got off at a one-horse in the middle of a rice paddy. another teacher was there waiting with a car and we drove a short distance to some kind of war-era concrete construction. there was a strange little shanty town surrounding the base of it. we walked under hanging clothes and past a golden retriever tied to a tricycle. we entered the abandon(?) building and climbed up to the second-and-a-half(?) floor. we went outside(?) and then into a tin shed(?). i didn't question any of this at the time.. but when we got inside the shed everything was whitewalls and halogen lights. i took my shoes off and stepped into a carpeted room of nearly 40 children.

dude, they were so small - i was in complete shock - i had NO idea what the hell i was doing.. miyoko had to spoon fed me every little instruction in tiny manageable bites. she told me everything to say, everything to do - i was so very much a puppet. it didn't become clear until hours later, that she had actually expected me to lead the class.. even the kids could see i was green (in every possible sense of the word) and they took full advantage. it didn't help that the planned activities included playing "*gaijin says" and making a christmas "*kiku mi" sign.

proving that i was completely useless in every other capacity i was paraded solely for my status as a "native english speaker" and was the subject of some mild exploitation when i reentered the room dressed as that hateful red abomination. i was the white guy dressed as the ambassador of cultural westernization. but no one seemed to be disturbed by this image, so i played along (maybe they all thought I was colonel sanders?).

eventually the mass of small people was gone and i was free to take off that damn beard. i had a short break to eat an embarrassingly western lunch for the amusement of my coworkers and finally had some coffee. i had an adventure with the toilet that time forgot and by the time the next group of kids arrived i was in much better condition to deal with them. thankfully, we only had 2 more groups of only 5 students each. they were little tiny tots just 3-5. so cute! they were shy at first, but eventually warmed to the strange foreign man. miyoko still directed me as before.. i doubt she'll trust me near children again - probably wonders how the hell i dress myself.

when it was finally over, i was shuttled to the train station. i was again very apologetic for my lateness (and for my complete ineptitude) and thanked everyone. i was thankful that they didn't hand me an envelope of cash - i really couldn't have accepted it.. but when the money just shows up on my paycheck next week, i won't feel so bad.

*inside joke explanation:
"gaijin says" = simon says, but with a foreigner in japan
"kiku mi" is katakana for "kick me"

side note: i was all over town with the street kids last night saying goodbye/goodluck to the great tomokazu. he's going to study english in australia for a year! i had a fab time, but drank too much and stayed out too late.. i must have slept through my alarm.. not planning on making this sort of thing a habit..  

weekend exploits: okayama bouken

i occasionally have a friend who plays her guitar in a small enclosed storefront near ECC. she calls herself robin but spells herself "lovin" (l's and v's don't exist in japanese, so they are acceptable phonetic/spelling equivalents to r's and b's, respectively). she fills her enclosure with full-voiced reverberations of sad soulful songs and minor key melodies. she doesn't speak much english, but can write anything she wants to say. so, we’ve had a few conversations over guitar and pen. i made her a cd of music i love and she gave me a ticket to see her at an acoustic showcase @ "desperado". i had my street pal ayako draw me a really bad map!

i went directly after work thursday, but missed her set. i hung out anyway and watched the following acts. i couldn't understand what they were singing about, but decided that no lyrics, no matter how poetic or perfectly timed, could have saved these guys from mediocrity. no matter, after the show i found myself at at the grown-up table. the artists were all somewhat acquainted and we all ate and drank together. robin wrote short translations for me when she could, but for the most part i was just smiling politely and enjoying myself. i felt bad that i missed robin's gig, so i bought a ticket from her to see her band, suashi (barefoot), at "crazy mama 2". i had one of the musicians draw me a really bad map on the other side of my map to desperado. (see next blog: rock and roll?)

friday night was one of those lonely nights that found me out in front of takashimaiya with guitar. i met new friends there and was swept off to a karaoke nomihodai (that's all you can drink, holmes). the english catalogue was small, but amazing! it looked more like someone's personal collection than a statistical sampling of western top 40. to name a few, there was an unfairly represented weezer collection and hedwig's "the origin of love". rocked, i rolled to off to see street dude jeanjacque's art exhibition, "air" at a chill cafe' called cheri. the owner is a cool pakistani guy who is fluent in over 7 forms of communication (he shared a shocking number of other qualities with c3po too). i finished the night off with a late-night guitar jam with 3 dudes who were sharing robin's enclosure. i have a lot of fun for a guy with no real friends..

saturday was an ecc christmas consolation prize. the real party was cancelled due to low sign up, so a mere 25 of us went to an indian restaurant that lola recently found (she easily sways the will of the many). the food was awesome and i got to know some of my students a little better. we ate and drank and after partied at the daikon. (not my favorite place, but these days i'll take any social distraction i can get).

rock and roll?

i finally found a venue rank and foul spelling enough to carry the status of DIVE BAR! it's name it "crazy mama 2" - and they call it a live house!

the elevator dumps you onto the fifth floor with only enough space to pay the man and move inside. the hall itself is fumbling dark and smells like a frat house basement. red spotlight oozes from the stage and mingles with cigarette smoke filling with room with a fluid, burning sensation. a green haired man behind a cage sits sunglassed and motionless pumping indiscernible punk at a vengeful volume - arms crossed, he more than anyone looks completely unaffected and uninterested in it. the floor changes level and texture with mild regularity (good). the ventilation system and piping in the ceiling are all exposed and sloppily painted black (check). the walls are decorated with many years accumulation of photocopied flyers and hanging extension chords (check +). finally, the kids are long-haired, safety-pinned, and drinking beer from paper cups! sure enough, this place has all the sure signs of a proper dismal chamber. though i'm filled with an odd sense of foreboding, for me, this place is a little slice of home - let the rocking commence!

the first band, a 2 piece, takes the stage in silent darkness. full on feedback and lights up, they rock along with work they've done on a laptop pc. despite their lack of a live drummer, they lay down a respectable intro with real from-the-heart rock! my ears are ringing and my heart is soaring.

***

it was then, when things seemed their most promising, that they took a turn for the topsy-turvy. the group finished their first song to polite applause.. and then.. complete silence. the singer took center stage.. and, with the exact posture and mannerisms of a first-grader reciting his single memorized line of the gettysburg address, informed the crowd politely of the evenings events. i couldn't believe my eyes! i looked around the room at the audience - he had their undivided attention! it was then that i noticed that they were USING the ash trays. they were making sure people behind them could see. there were 3 trash cans.. these kids were recycling, godamnit! the singer, with a series of low bows, took another minute to respectfully thank everyone involved for their contributions to the nights performance. then, in super-honorific japanese, he begged us (the audience) for our acceptance and approval of his work and his person.

only having completed this all-too-japanese ritual was he free to finally rock our socks off once more. i thought the event was a fluke, but smaller versions of the same display occurred at regular intervals and by every band! throughout the night, the most punk of all rockers temporarily reverted from a spiky hellspawn to a schoolboy and back again! it was a little strange to hear the japanese super-honorific used just seconds before the english, "ONE, TWO, FUCK YOU!", but it wasn't long before i was bowing along with the rest of the crowd to show our thanks and approval.

despite their un-punk politeness, these bands were unusually skilled in both their technical ability and complete rock stage presence. in fact, when they were switched on, they were ALL way more talented than the average group of shit head americans that play the pig in ann arbor. maybe there's something square-peg about punk rock that doesn't easily fit into polite japanese culture, but these blokes knew the score. it's not as easy to get a rock group together in a society of small spaces and neighborly way - these guys worked very hard to play this shit stage and their hard work showed in their performance.

dive bar = good. color me regular -

there's an upscale department store across from the okayama train station called takashimaiya. during business hours the place is a bright shining temple of modern consumerism - a hustle/bustle of top fashion under marble columns and vaulted ceilings. the tall windows that line the front of the building idyllically display giant back-lit photos of name-brand diamonds and dresses weakly hanging from towering, cheek-boned euro-models. but after night falls and the last customers have gone, the stutters come down and the front of the building becomes a foreboding and dimly light fortress. the single dark-red symbol "takashimaya" frowns from each of the steel doors warding off intruders and protecting the treasures inside.

it's here, huddled against the shelter of this same fortress, that okayama's street youth congregate nightly to sell their art and play their songs under the dim yellow lights - and it's here that i've found many friends.

the first to arrive (and usually the last to leave) is the beautiful but silent miss tanaka. she comes nightly with a pocketed plastic sheet filled with poetry she's scrawled onto blank postcards. it gets quite cold at night and poor miss tanaka is never properly dressed for the occasion. she sits on a little pillow and rocks for warmth. her toes, visible through her work shoes are frozen, but she's usually smiling. she rarely sells anything, and surely doesn't expect to turn a profit - that's why i like her - she's happily freezing for her art.

usually accompanying miss tanaka are three regulars from okayama university. two of them, ayako and tomokazu, bravely speak loads of scattered english - so i tend to keep them close for aid in communication. ayako is a real scatter brain and once i get her speaking in english or graded language japanese, she's stuck that way and no one else can understand her. she's usually there with no agenda what-so-ever, but occasionally writes or does pastel drawings for friends. tomokazu sometimes brings his guitar and sets up a music stand to badly over strum 3-chord songs from a japanese fake book; but he's a cool guy.

occasionally on weekends there's a willy wonka-esc character who sets up an elaborate workshop on a blanket to make beaded hemp bracelets and cell phone accessories. he sits cross-legged in the center of his shop wearing a beret, a long red jacket, and gloves with a few missing fingertips to help keep his hands warm and still allow him to work. he really is both and artist and a performer - engaging people and telling stories and jokes. he's a nice guy and a fabulous addition to the group because he naturally draws a crowd of customers and random observers.

a few nights a week there's a 2-peice acoustic duo called monday moon - they rock your socks off acoustic style! they shout in harmony and one of them occasionally put down his ax to jump more or play the harmonica for a song. it's all in japanese, but they are pretty great - i joined them one night and we bonded over the universally known greenday tracks - even internationally the same 3 or 4 songs are universally known by kids who were in junior high school in '94. cool dudes.

sometimes there's a 4 piece band that packs up and plays there every few weeks or so. the drummer has a tiny (in fact, nearly portable) 3 piece drum kit and the bassist and guitarists play through miniature amps each about the size of a bread box. the three gents do a very polite jazz thing while this cool chick belts out an effected blues melody in cowboy boots. she doesn't need a microphone. they are cool and always smiling to see me.

sometimes there's a guy who does traditional japanese calligraphy in black and orange. he always lays out a few finished peices - some on paper, some painted over photos he's taken - but mostly does custom work by request. he gets a lot of attention and it's entrancing to watch him work. he keeps his brushes in expired screw-top bottles of o-sake and keeps a full one close by. his girlfriend is there and busies about helping fetch things and collecting payment. the artist himself is very serious. he sits on his knees with a cloth work surface folded in font of him. he gets challenging custom requests from dunk passers by and begins his work. his girlfriend bows in front of him and places a new piece of thick paper on his surface. he takes a long sip from his plastic bottle and has a long think over his task. he prepares his brushes. with both the orange and the black brush in his right hand he sets in motion a series of controlled explosions on paper. he occasionally touches up, when he's done, but i've never seen him make a mistake. his customer is always impressed and exceedingly thankful.

an older guy places strummy covers of western music. he's managed to only pick the worst and most cliché songs to have in his repertoire: desperado, hey jude, country road, etc. his english is ok, but when he's singing he has no sense for timing or melody, so it's like he's quickly speaking short bursts of lyrics at the chord changes. i smile as hard as i can - it's all i can do to not laugh out loud. but he's a nice guy and always has a little flask of whiskey that gets passed around.

there are other various guitar kids and hangers out who know me by now. every time i show up the group is ecstatic to see me as if they expected to never see me again. i usually drop by a few nights a week at least to say hi. sometimes i stay for hours and play music with them. they are a great group - excepting, friendly, giving - unique, obnoxious, hilarious. in any corner of the world - my kind of people.

terebi

i finally hooked up my tv last night to watch the K1 martial arts tournament. okayama only has 6 channels and they are all controlled by the japanese government's media lapdog, NHK. as far as i can tell, there's no distinction between them. japanese tv is dangerously engaging. it holds every ounce of your attention with crazy sound effects, high pitched voices, and a barrage of superimposed subtitles and special effects! even the "talk shows" are like a psychedelic dream sequence. i'm happy to report that every program is unusually preoccupied with amazing food!

guess what's on RIGHT NOW!!

3: a very old school japanese spy drama with an all marionette cast (excepting the shots of real life cars, buildings, and human hands holding guns and stumbling feet)! this is especially funny since the team america movie came out. this art form was clearly perfected in japan.

35: a korean soap opera. it looks just like the awful japanese soap operas (not to be confused with the samurai dramas and the mysteries). everyone watches the korean dramas and assumes that no one does - when my students admit their guilty pleasure in discussion, they are always surprised to find out other people watch korean dramas too! come on, guys - there are only 6 channels - you all watch the SAME CRAP!

5: beautiful panoramic shots of iceland, new zealand, and japan. baby seals and birds fade in and out with slowly zooming shots of flowers and waterfalls. the time is the only thing superimposed on the screen for once. a mans voice describes the beauty for the deaf (maybe?) and provides scientific tidbits national geographic style. i like this program, but it's really just a commercial for high definition television.

9: wow! it's a dubbing of the seinfeild show!! jerry's voice is not nearly aggravating enough.. but george's is spot on! this guy sound's like jason alexander speaking in japanese!! even the laugh! elaine is pretty good too, so is kramer! this is crazy..

11: a just-in-time-for-christmas infomercial for a kick ass vacuum cleaner! the fast talking salesmen will occasionally say entire phrases in almost english! it looks like he's throwing in the air circulator for free!

23: girls a gogo = three girls in their bathing suites are sitting together on a carpet in soft focus. one is reading a children’s book to the other two who are holding a teddy bear and eating cake, respectively. there's way too much reverb on the story reading and there's a periodic man's voice excitedly commenting on the events taking place.. i'm lost, but i can't look away.

25: japanese pro wrestling! pretty much just like american pro wrestling.. but with more (possibly fake) blood. the K1 fight last night was full contact kick boxing and definitely real. it was tournament style and as far as i could tell there was almost no distinction for weight class!

daijobu: the ducktape phrase

i mentioned earlier that my daily transactions (proudly conducted in japanese) can be potentially over-complicated by questions. they might be normal everyday questions like, "will that be for here or to go?" - or - "would you like miso soup with that?" - maybe even - "would you like to become a "love drugs" club card member and save 10% on purchases throughout the month of december?"

as simple as these questions might seem, they can turn an everyday transaction - one that was going so smoothly - into a language train wreck!

Example: "blah blahblah-ka?" - i know it's a question because the asker clearly expects me to speak or do something that i didn't anticipate. i'm frozen. my mind is a blank. whatever utterance they provided me as a prompt is already miles away, spoken at natural speed - that being way too fast, and my only options are to ask them to repeat themselves or to slow down. both are embarrassing and there's no guarantee that i'll get it the second time anyway.

the trouble only escalates from here. the asker might give me a more detailed explanation or speak louder to help me understand.. neither helps. they might pantomime or wave their arms, attempting to communicate by telekinesis. though this is a clever trick, it only provides more evidence that people all over the world do the backstroke in EXACTLY the same way.

More Trouble: lately i've been entertaining myself by mentally putting words into everyone's mouths. the man on the corner passing out flyers and tissue paper is making sure everyone knows which one to wipe their ass with and which one will get them 100 yen off at hiro's hunk-a-hunk-a burning barbeque. (mmm.. barbeque.. damn! just a flyer for another pachinko place). the monk with the straw hat and the ninja shoes is collecting money to send buddhists on boat tours - he's chanting the words to the gilligan’s island theme song but doesn't know the tune. i think those buddhists should have their boat tours, but now every time i ride by the train station he gets that stupid monotone song in my head for hours - themiiinnnooooww..whouldbeeeloooost..

though entertaining, my language inference method has only made the question-and-backstroke game far more complicated. "would you like a bag for that sir?" becomes, "who was the guy who played daniel-san in the karate kid?"

fuck - i don't remember. wasn't he in menudo? shit, i don't know how to ask that in japanese.. i'll just say nothing and smile - maybe she'll get bored and go away.. they've got to close sometime.. i can wait as long as she does..

Salvation: lucky for me, there's a phrase that can make all my troubles disappear: "daijobu."

it means, "you don't need to see my identification. these aren't the droids your looking for. move along." (lit. alright, OK, safe). it can be a one word question, answer, 5th amendment plea, and saving grace all rolled into one! whatever the situation, this phrase brings things to a comfortable close. when someone says, "daijobu" the curtain of uncertainty and anxiety is lifted and everyone can smile and wish each other a good day.

*the lady at the post office: “what’s the distance this package will travel when compared to it’s final displacement? please write your answer here as a factor of pi.”

just say, "daijobu." (in this case, "about pi/2 i think – but whatever you think is best. unregistered mail is fine. we can forgo all that formal paperwork just this once, don't you think?")

*the girl at the convenience store: “and how many blackbirds would you like baked in that pie, sir?”

just say, “daijobu." (in this case, "you're very cute, but i have absolutely no idea what your saying. aren't you impressed by my mastery of the japanese language?")

*the cop standing over me as i unlock my bicycle: “after you unlock that bicycle, would you like to come over to my house? my wife just baked a pie!”

just say, "daijobu?" (in this case, "thanks, officer! that’s sweet of you, but i just had some pie. maybe next time.")

daijobu is all you need. it's your exit. it's your good-switch flipped to on. it's your best friend in japan! i could publish a new one-word phrase book, "daijobu" by michael josiah solo. finally a phrase book that actually works.

Back on the bike, now with a mission - get me a thanksgiving dinner 1500 thousand miles from home. Just down the street from my apartment lives a man who just might come through for me. His name is colonel sanders and he's added a secret 11th ingredient to his chicken that has made it more delicious than any other! His fame has spread from the heart of america to every corner of the known universe. Merry thanksgiving!

Mori the impossible

in a uniform society that is obsessed with the latest fashion, it’s not everyday that you come by a girl who keeps it real in her converse shoes and a hooded sweatshirt:

Mori Muri – enter the impossible girl.

“the big daikon” is okayama’s most popular venue for alcohol consumption and "international exchange". it’s populated and packed nightly with every idiot gaijin in town. i had heard a lot about it (from every idiot gaijin in town) and i admit i was curious, but i’m sticking to my story – i was dragged there by a coworker.

when we rolled up around 11pm, the party was well underway. i went up the stairs and was slapped in the senses by red light, cigarette smoke, and a tom jones hip-hop remix. people were yelling and dancing and drunk! an australian man “dressed” like a cat (wearing nothing but his briefs and boots) greeted us. “never met you blokes before, ya’ backpackers?” no, and i’ve never met you either, dude – i would have remembered a naked man with ears and a tail.

i spent about 2 beers scoping stupid people. it was easy – they were everywhere! there was a chubby drunk white girl dancing on the bar inches from a young passed-out japanese. there were 2 japanese women in their 60’s sitting at the bar and playing gaijin grab-ass. but mostly there was a wide assortment of skinny, nerdy, white guys wearing haircuts and frat boy uniforms dating back as far as 1997.

even among the handful of english speakers who shared my situation in okayama, i wasn’t fitting in or having any fun. i went outside to avoid people and feel sorry for myself (my favorite activity when stupid people are having more fun than me). mori must have had the same idea. she was sweat-shirted, sneaker-ed, and balled up on the steps out front. she was drinking a can of vending machine coffee and it clearly wasn’t working in whatever way she hoped it would. i sat down and publicly expressed my disinterest in hanging out with “stupid fucking gaijin.” she laughed out loud (in english, that is. most girls here sort of giggle and cover their mouths) - i had made a friend.

“you are a stupid fucking gaijin, de-sho?!” (aren’t you?)

i denied it flatly, “iie, nihon-jin des.” (no, i’m japanese)

“than you are a stupid fucking japanese! no problem, yo. i am too – i have to fucking work tomorrow.” we talked and laughed. she was absolutely tickled by my use of profanity and my cruel generalizations regarding the okayama gaijin. she struggled to keep up. “you are fucking cool, yo.”

i told her i was leaving and she was coming with me. she tried to tell me she couldn’t, but didn’t know enough english to explain why. so i was able to drag her away from the daikon and her friends and we had a beer at my favorite izakaiya. She updated my phrase book with impolite men’s japanese and “dirty” okayama dialect (the only japanese she uses). i thought she was great.

we took a ride on my bicycle and she chanted “move it, move it!” and reached around me to ring the bell for the duration of the ride. i would have kept her forever, but she insisted i take her back to the daikon and her friends. we traded phone numbers and I she kissed me on the cheek.

now mori’s my new best friend! we’ve been on a few adventures and i hope there will be many more to come!

inaka bauken = country adventure!

i woke up at 6:00 and was surprised to find that i had beat the sun up. i packed up my little room and my bag and laced up my hiking boots!

i wandered around the little streets in between the little houses and gardens on the island. i had gone back in time - all of the houses were old and there clearly wasn't a modern sewer system. even walking amongst the houses in town i kept noticing the biggest fucking spiders i'd ever seen just hanging out on their big horrible webs! i was creeped out!

i made my way up and away from the houses to the base of the tallest peak on the island. there was a line of red torii gates covering the trail that wound up the face of what turned out to be a small mountain and a pretty challenging climb. i reached to top in time to see a foggy, but cool sunrise! i hiked from peak to peak that morning and saw some great views of the islands that dot the inland sea. i packed out and ferried back in time for a very long day at work..

i've taken my weekend to catch up on grocery shopping and laundry and things. too much go, go, go. i've fallen behind in my blogging and i'm all adventured out. i'm glad i went before winter really set it though. i'll go back in the summer and i'll try and check out all the other villas.

sunrise from an observation point on shiraishi island:

tuesday's a national holiday? cool! i couldn't very well let my unexpected holiday go to waste, so i packed an overnight bag and headed out to one of okayama's international villas! i took a train to a the tiny town of kasaoka and boarded a ferry for shiraishi island! the sun was setting, so i didn't see much that night. i checked in to the villa and it turns out i would have the whole place to myself. it was big and clean and nice!

i stayed in the japanese style room and did lots of japanese things! i wore a little blue robe around and took a long bath. then i made my bed on the floor and read a book under the kotatsu quilt!

sunset from the ferry to shiraishi island:

here's my little shop! i presented my story as a listening exercise in one of my upper-level classes and it was a big hit!  

cooking class?! hell yeah, sign me up!

everything at the grocery store is completely foreign to me. well, not completely - i mean, i know what's an octopus and what's a freeze-dried crab, but that doesn't mean i know how to go about preparing them for consumption (other than chopping them up and serving them raw over a small hand-packed piece of rice with wasabi). anyway, i've been sticking to the precooked and instant stuff and enjoying it. but until i saw the posting for the cooking class at the international center, i wasn't sure how i would ever begin cooking for myself. suppose i had pots and pans (or plates for that matter..) - if i wanted to use them, where would i begin? lucky for me japanese cooking is just like any other cooking - take food, make it hot, flavor to taste. the trick here is knowing what to use to recreate those authentic flavors found at all the incredible restaurants i've visited!

most of the class consisted of learning how to cut the fruits and vegetables so that the final product would be attractive (i've finally found a semi-practical function for my pumpkin carving skills). we made salt-grilled pacific saury (little fishes), assorted boiled foods (that was hard..), and miso soup. there was no real trick to it, but i learned a lot about the typical ingredients and how to make some home cook'n japanese style! i had a fun time, met some cool people, and ate like a king! 

green! here is the fabulous Korakuen! i've got to get an unlimited pass to this garden and go there all the time! check out this crazy great website for better pictures than mine! (click the kanji on the far right for pictures from all four seasons. more information in english can be found on the other links there)

http://www.city.okayama.okayama.jp/museum/korakuen-shiki/main/top.htm

i finally got to do a bit of sight seeing today. you know, it's totally warm and sunny here.. this is november right? here's okayama castle from the foot bridge over the river to karaku-en garden.  

you know, for a country that makes some completely wicked motorcycles, japan can't make a bicycle to save it's life.. it's true - this bike sucks. the pick up is lousy, the handling is lousy, the suspensions is non-existent, and the center of the turning radius is right below the handlebars even at it's lousy top end. it only has one gear and someone set it to lousy.

every other bike in the country is exactly like this one too - it's like a communist ration bicycle or something. they all have the basket on the front and the rack on the back (that's where you put your wife). they all have the same little light with wheel generator and the same little bell.

i think that they have been government regulated to suck so that people will fear and respect them and give them the proper right of way - that is, the get-the-hell-out-of-the way. still after all the sucking this bike does, it has greatly improved my mobility. bikes here go everywhere. the sidewalk, the street, the subway, the mall. some even fold in half and go in the closet.

everywhere i go, people are riding their bicycles. Sometimes they talk on their cell phones. sometimes it rains and they carry an umbrellas AND they talk on their cell phones. the men wear their suites and their ties and carry their brief cases on their bicycles. the women wear their heels and their skirts and go shopping for their name brand clothes on their bicycles. old people on bicycles go slow. *ring *ring! young people on bicycles go fast! *whoosh! babies on bicycles sit in the baskets. dogs on bicycles sit with the babies. *woof! a little lady on a big bicycle - go lady, go! a big man on a little bicycle - go man, go! a girl in a school uniform sits on the front of her boyfriend's bicycle. a girl with platform shoes stands on the back of her boyfriend's bicycle. go girls, go! go, boyfriends, go! 2 people on a bicycle having tea. 3 people on a bicycle having sake. where are they going? they are going fast! they are going to that train station over there.. what's happening at that train station over there? why, it's a bicycle party! a BIG bicycle party! a big bicycle party with sake and tea! look at all the people on their bicycles. aren't they happy?

here's a shot of my new bed (just delivered this morning). it's so poochie and soft, dude! i'm going to sleep so well tonight.. let's have a quick show of comments: who would sleep on top and who would sleep in the cubby and why?

in other kick ass news, i got a second hand bicycle! it's totally granny-powered and basket-ed.. pictures coming.. i will brace for your laughter.

here's something you won't see in osaka - trees! we've got real parking lots here too, though they are still small by american standards. i've been doing most of my wandering around at night because i don't get out of work until about 9:00. tonight i hung around with my pal iz from my training group after work. she's got the privilege of subbing in okayama with me all week. we got some curb-side sake from the seven eleven and some fucking awesome ramen. tomorrow we're getting up early to check out the karaku-en (kick ass garden), weather permitting, oh course.
 

this is the reopalace gran esperansa! my door is the second from the left. it looks pretty futuristic from the outside, but the interior is comforting and hospitable with wood floors and soft lighting! 

my first day of school!

.. was exhausting!! i taught 4 double free time lessons (80 min.) to 2 students each. a pretty standard day at okayama ecc, but a wild ride for me! it's clear that at this point the students are far more familiar with the procedures than i am.. every time i took creative license with the very standardized lessons, i would get a few sideways glances and small utterances of the japanese equivalent of "what the fuck did he just say?"

i showed up this morning about 2 hours early and beat everyone in! i met my director by accident (who would have thought she would be a young attractive girl named suki? "director" just sounds so angela lansbury to me..) it turns out there is only one other staff member besides her. they are both very nice and i can tell they run that school like a well oiled machine!

about half way through the day a very tall and very sharp tia carrere look-alike rolled in rawking knee-high boots and carrying a motorcycle helmet. she wore an ipod on her belt (which was the style at the time). the stopped and rolled her hips to give the camera a few seconds to pan up and the flash bulbs to pop before she tossed her hair and took off her sunglasses - slide guitar. she cursed in japanese and dropped her helmet on the counter. the now three japanese women laughed and chatted about in bird-like fashion before she shoved me a hand and a smile and introduced herself in perfect english. "hey, i'm Lola. i'm the other english teacher!" yikes. she teaches beginning students (adults) in the carpeted room. they leave a neat row of knee high boots just outside the door.

after work i ate and drank at a yakitori in downtown okayama. i had some fried wontons and rice and miso with muscles. i sat at the bar and the guys behind the counter were yelling a lot enjoying themselves! i got to use all the japanese i know and learned a little more.

i do it all again tomorrow! i think one of my pals from my training group is coming out to okayama to sub for a few days so we'll hang out and eat! i’ll take some food pictures for you guys!

here's a shot of the beauteous countryside i rolled by at close to 200 kmph! we popped in and out of tunnels and only stopped 4 times before arriving in okayama 45 min. after departure.  

here it comes - the shinkansen!! this fucker rolled in so damn fast i'm surprised i got a picture of it! i turned around to gather all my stuff (i have so much godamn stuff) and when i was all loaded up, the doors snapped shut! about 100 people had made the exchange successfully in about 45 seconds and i was left standing there on the platform like an idiot. lucky for me they run every 12 min. from osaka to okayama!  

bike club: zero to hero

with the exception of the totally respectable guys in my training group crew, most of the western men i've met here are complete whores! that's not to say that they're not cool guys - it's just that sex has been re-set as their primary prerogative. now it's comes somewhere between breathing and eating/sleeping (this is where i keep coffee).

this special breed of sexual predator can often be seen riding their bicycles downtown with a girl sitting (and sometimes standing) on the little luggage rack on the back (a shockingly common mode of tandem transportation in japan). a frightening number of these bastards came to japan with the soul intention of performing demeaning sex acts on as many japanese women as possible. but the others were transformed by a concept i like to call "zero to hero". simply put, they were perfectly normal losers back home and when they came to japan they were instantly upgraded to rockstar!! (i'm immune to such foolishness because i've always had the blind self confidence of a rockstar). their new-found glory goes straight to their head and they selfishly abuse their new ability to sweep women of all descriptions right off their feet at the expense of their self respect and the equality of the fairer sex. they really believe that they are so special and charming that they can woo women without words. these men are a disgrace to all western kind and should be ashamed of themselves! however, it's not entirely their fault.

sex is the key word in osaka - downtown is jam packed with sex shows, hostess clubs, and love hotels. the women here dress in the shortest skirts and the highest heels you can imagine with hair and makeup to match! i can't go so far as to say that the japanese live without morals, but when it comes to sex, their ethics aren't exactly Judeo-Christian. most guys forget everything their moma' ever taught them with a shrug - "when in rome.." they'll say, as if the supposedly wise saying excuses them from thinking for themselves.

i spent some time in a british pub this weekend, hoping to meet some english-speaking western and japanese people (ok, girls). but it turns out that popular gaijin bars are just swinger's joints - every one is there to hook up. i had to dodge the advances of a cute but somewhat older and somewhat married woman out looking for a new "english teacher" for the night. eek! when they make it this easy it's no wonder so many western men turn to the dark side.

guys, with great power comes great responsibility. just because women throw themselves at you doen't mean you should catch them! you would be more skeptical of a pizza you found in the street (how did this pizza get here? who's pizza is this? why does this pizza like me so much anyway? and how many other random people has this pizza had sex with?). see, even in their most objectified state, easy women should be met with the proper caution (or at least skepticism)!

but if one decent guy passes a girl by for their mutual benefit and the embetterment of mankind, another will certainly scoop her up and tie her to the back of his bicycle, short skirt, high heels and all.

hotties: mia and mariko showed me around Umeda and Kansi University! i met mariko when our airplane got typhooned to tokyo for a night. she was coming back to japan from a year of studying in St. Louis and her english is awesome! her university had a huge festival and all the students were out showing off their culinary skills for about $1 each! there were also some pretty talented rock bands sharing a stage in the center of campus. kick ass!!