clap my hands!

ahh..

saturday morning: a deep breath of winter air - crisp, sobering - complete and pure - it's my first breath. i step out into the sun. i've never been here before. God, it's so beautiful.. i'm surfacing after a long pull of cold lake michigan water. this is sun, this is air - feel the water run down my body taking with it the campfire, the red wine, the darkness of the night before, the sand, the sweat, the sun-baked tent and the thousands of tosses and turns, the open eyes of the many hours of morning. know and love these things. it's so bright.

pull, and pop! the ringing is gone. how long has that seed been in my teeth? that stone in my shoe? that water in my ear? i can hear everything - this is the first time. the clarity! these overtones! this is joy - and the world is snow melting on my tongue! how long have i been gone?!

i hear a symphony! i'm in the bright, shining world of the living and diana ross is here too! it's music in my head and it's finding it's way into my fingertips, into my soul, and out into the morning - i'm singing as i pedal toward work! hello, old lady! hello, little dog! hello, mitsubishi!

later i will have a joyful reunion with my inner-monologue! always crack'n wise and say'n all the shit i shouldn't. i'm so damn funny, and i've got so much to say - or, at least, i'm always talking. where have you been, friend? these are higher level brain functions! this is not only the automatic pilot that has somehow steered me through these last 2 weeks.. maybe i was worse off than i realized. i was afraid i had just learned to live with my demon as a survival mechanism, but now i know he's gone, destroyed in the fires of my courageous heart!

i'm healthy and i know it - clap my hands!