another fast-food thanksgiving in japan.

the "turkey" was of course provided by the colonel as were the coleslaw and a biscuit for good measure. the mashed potatoes were homemade (and damn good, i might add). i couldn't for the life of me find a good pie.. i did find one $10 apple pie about the size of a cd at a posh cake shop - but opted for the mcdonalds variety and an ice cream bar from the conbini~ it may not have been an ideal thanksgiving dinner, but it was loads of food and was consumed with fork and knife!! pretty spot-on!

do you remember watching the parade on tv in grandma's basement? remember green carpet? remember thinking there was a different parade on every channel? remember the kid table and 2 the orange vegetables? remember mom's cranberry bread? remember looking up at orion in the driveway? remember the reflections of dashboard lights on the windows in the back seat and squinting at the lights of oncoming cars until they stretched out in parallel lines that reached up to the sky? remember dad carrying your sleeping sister in from the car? yes? well, then remember that we've got a lot to be thankful for.

getting back to basics

wait a second - i didn't come to japan to WORK!! i didn't move to japan to make money! why on earth did i want that crappy job anyway?! clearly money was not a motivating factor in my leaving my engineering job to teach english in japan. the whole bloody point was to get out there and see the world! live it! experience it! the whole point was to avoid wasting my youth stuck in a cubical! what made me think that i should spend the next few months working for Nova?!

i guess i got stuck in my new shoes - thinking that japan has a good economy on a global scale - that my japanese yen can carry me far in and around asia - that i should be saving it! but that's ignoring the fact that i am already living abroad and there's so much i haven't seen and done here. i guess i just got used to japan. i'm in the groove and i've sunk in deep enough that i'm no longer an awe-struck traveler. but that's all just a state of mind - it's time i used my time better and get out there and love it again!

you might even say that my current situation is optimal. if i'm making any more money than i absolutely need to support myself (and my rock&roll lifestyle) that's just evidence of time spent working that could have been better spent soaking up the experience~ teaching privates and odd gigs is great! i'm only really working a few hours a day and i have total control of my schedule!! how many people in japan can even say that?! i live in a culture where lifetime enslavement to one's work is the norm! even working conditions for foreigners isn't good by any american standard. i've found a loop-hole and i'm self-employed and i love it! sure, a little bit more cash would help me travel around a little bit more and go out more often (it's been a while since i treated myself to karaoke). but i'm the man - i can round up a little cash without working for someone else! of course, it will be difficult if i don't want to play FUCKING SANTA CLAUS!!!

~the kid's alright~

to the free spirit, the future is his most coveted treasure - a beautiful and infinite sea of possibility! it's limitless and good, for he, the free at heart, is also helplessly optimistic. he gazes out over his endless realm of possibility with great satisfaction and spends his days contemplating what might be found just over the horizon.

free as he is, he boldly sails for grand horizons and foreign lands bearing riches beyond his wildest dreams! but to the helplessly optimistic each golden horizon is more grand and promising than the last. he bravely changes courses and chases dreams - he always will - until the day his future dries up and he finds that he hasn't actually gone anywhere at all.

i can't even get a job at NOVA?! they are the absolute shit-ass, bottom-end of crappy big english schools!! they employ any degenerate looser ex-con with a mail order degree and they won't give me a fucking job? what's their problem?

well - fuck'em, i was gona' quit that shit after 6 months anyway.. still, i feel pretty pathetic - can't even get a job at the McDonalds of english schools.. man.

who the fuck girl's name is this written in my book like i should know it? who the hell is HA-RU-KA?! she writes (or wrote), "please email me and if you are come to wakayama calling my phone" and then there's a kissing face.. [if you have any idea who this person might be, please post a comment]

we can't see the sky for the clouds!

look at that fucking sky!! the sun is blasting trough fat, full lumps of solid cloud - mostly fair-weather white but a few dark grey, foreboding rain - and they go, they stretch across the sky in every direction, all the way from the himalayas to the dark heart of the pacific! i can't even take it all in! the world is in such full color and sharp contrast, i'm sure i will collide with it. but can you see this sky! i've got to cross the street just to get a better look at the place i was standing before! i have to jump, but the roofs of houses just keep pushing higher, closing in all around me. no one can see it but me, i'm sure - everyone else is rushing, rolling, in long coats and cold cars. can't they see this sky?! how can they be rushing off to work inside when heaven is directly above us at this very moment shining down with all the light of faith and God?! and more importantly, how can I? why am i to spend my life looking down or else buried under the shield we hold against heaven's judgment? we build, we tear down, we build higher, closer, bigger, stronger - human hands carry darkness higher, closing out the sky, power lines cutting it into pieces. we fear it's light, we dash about hiding from the looming truth, avoiding so much as a glance up at the gates of heaven and take safe refuge in our collective distraction until a time we feel it's safe to return home, the sun having set and the dark of night having closed heaven's eyes on us. at least for today..

guilt as inspiration - the pathetic return to blogging

-to those of you who requested it's return, i have already let you down.

i hate looking for jobs. what i really want is my old job back - the one i quit shortly after my last entry more that 6 pathetic months ago - but that is a contract i failed to sign and an unrequited love i've left behind. it was a sweet gig, though i didn't really realize it at the time. i've had my adventure in self-employment and now i just want someone else to pay me for my time and require nothing more than my physical presence in return. i'm looking for the lowest common denominator in english teaching jobs, something so mind-numbingly repetitive that i can do it in my sleep and forget the whole mess the second i walk out the door. yes, i will have to wear a tie for this sort of job, but now i can see it's advantages clearly. the goal is to make enough money to travel, though the specifics of what exactly that entails are unknown at the present time.

it's not that things didn't work out - if i wasn't so fickle and impatient, i could probably see this thing to some reasonable fruition and make a fair bankroll. but the sad fact of the matter is that i'm pretty pathetic when it comes to sticking to my guns. premature decisions when coupled with drastic life change can really restore that vital element of control over one's life. it's a double shot of adrenalin on the rocks - the sweet freedom of youth, the rush of new faces and places, and the euphoria of living in the present moment unhindered by the weight of all one's past and future.

so, i'm looking for a job.. man i hate looking for a jobs.