what are your holiday plans?

- it's been the subject of many-a-lesson this month. as a result i've learned a lot about the japanese holiday season: the hardest phrase to pronounce in the english language is "visit relatives" and there seems to be some global mis-teaching of the phrase "go back to my home town". japanese will enjoy 3-10 days off, though some will have to work through them. they go to KFC on christmas and give presents to children - most of which tragically "believe santa claus". new years is the big holiday and traditions include watching television for three days and visiting a shrine/temple to pray/wish for good luck.

i've developed another practiced, concise, graded-language holiday explanation to match my "why japan" answer: i'm going to "visit relatives" in california this christmas then i'm going to stay with my japanese friend's family in kanagawa prefecture for the new year's holiday!

it would just be too troublesome and strange to explain how my grandfather has just found out that he has worst-case-scenario brain cancer and my family decided to fly me to LA to see him for what might be the last time - at least with his health – and how i would be flying in and out of tokyo, making it serendipitously possible to visit taku for a few days.

pray/wish us luck! gambatte, gramps!

bad santa..

i awoke this morning to the desperate horror of my real-audio, jpop ringtone and the corresponding realization that i'd overslept!!

"Oh no! It's 9:30!" (i'm dizzy) "miyoko, i overslept! i'm sorry!!"

"you are at your home right now?" she can't believe it. neither can i.

"oh no! i'm so sorry.. gomen nasai!!"

"alright. so.. (something in japanese) we can maybe take the next train. i will call you again, ok. please make yourself prepared!"

"shitshitshitshit! i'm so damn far from prepared." i stumbled through a top-speed shower/dressing still wigglelingly drunk from last nights high jinx. what the hell was i thinking..

miyoko is an ecc junior teacher/administrator who works in the cramped back office of ecc with 2-12 other very busy japanese. she's the one that's about 7 months pregnant and spends most of her time performing intensely polite phone calls in her straight-backed, tourguide voice. i know because i can hear every unnecessary apology from my little glass both (where i spend most of my time performing hideously demeaning "lessons" in my talking-to-morons voice). this morning miyoko was standing on platform 12 in crisp clear december learning that the man she had chosen as her santa claus was an unreliable, alcoholic buffoon. i get the feeling she was only half surprised. despite my attempts to assimilate, i feel like i still come off as unprofessional and unpresentable when compared to japanese standards. anyway, i'm sure i only overslept to satisfy her expectations.

weeks and weeks ago she asked me if i could attend the ecc junior christmas party. it was on my day off, but i figured i could score a free lunch. i thought it was strange that she was looking for a commitment rather than a simple "sure i’d love to", but i was happy to be a willing team player and told her i would be there with bells on. if i had known then how literally i would be wearing bells, i would have thought twice about the christmas party.

in the more recent weeks, miyoko occasionally dropped by apologetically to give me more information on the christmas party. turns out it was actually a group lesson/craft session for about 25, 5-8 year-olds (so, these gigs are more like work, but they pay). she gave me an outline of the lesson plan and it seemed pretty standard - hokey pokey and christmas card and what not. she told me only yesterday that i would be appearing as santa clause.. "oh, and please pack a lunch." (damn)

i flew from my apartment! coughing and congested, i pedaled like the wind! i ran through the station and out onto the platform! i found miyoko with a phone call and plopped down next to her. so began a long series of sincere apologies. it turns out we would not be late by american standards (or even technical ones), so i would not have to commit ritual suicide. i felt drunk and can only assume that i appeared and smelled as such. realizing that this was one of my lifetime low points, i decided to go ahead and eat my breakfast on the train (considered rude.. but at this point, who am i trying to impress?).

we rode the train into the distant countryside and got off at a one-horse in the middle of a rice paddy. another teacher was there waiting with a car and we drove a short distance to some kind of war-era concrete construction. there was a strange little shanty town surrounding the base of it. we walked under hanging clothes and past a golden retriever tied to a tricycle. we entered the abandon(?) building and climbed up to the second-and-a-half(?) floor. we went outside(?) and then into a tin shed(?). i didn't question any of this at the time.. but when we got inside the shed everything was whitewalls and halogen lights. i took my shoes off and stepped into a carpeted room of nearly 40 children.

dude, they were so small - i was in complete shock - i had NO idea what the hell i was doing.. miyoko had to spoon fed me every little instruction in tiny manageable bites. she told me everything to say, everything to do - i was so very much a puppet. it didn't become clear until hours later, that she had actually expected me to lead the class.. even the kids could see i was green (in every possible sense of the word) and they took full advantage. it didn't help that the planned activities included playing "*gaijin says" and making a christmas "*kiku mi" sign.

proving that i was completely useless in every other capacity i was paraded solely for my status as a "native english speaker" and was the subject of some mild exploitation when i reentered the room dressed as that hateful red abomination. i was the white guy dressed as the ambassador of cultural westernization. but no one seemed to be disturbed by this image, so i played along (maybe they all thought I was colonel sanders?).

eventually the mass of small people was gone and i was free to take off that damn beard. i had a short break to eat an embarrassingly western lunch for the amusement of my coworkers and finally had some coffee. i had an adventure with the toilet that time forgot and by the time the next group of kids arrived i was in much better condition to deal with them. thankfully, we only had 2 more groups of only 5 students each. they were little tiny tots just 3-5. so cute! they were shy at first, but eventually warmed to the strange foreign man. miyoko still directed me as before.. i doubt she'll trust me near children again - probably wonders how the hell i dress myself.

when it was finally over, i was shuttled to the train station. i was again very apologetic for my lateness (and for my complete ineptitude) and thanked everyone. i was thankful that they didn't hand me an envelope of cash - i really couldn't have accepted it.. but when the money just shows up on my paycheck next week, i won't feel so bad.

*inside joke explanation:
"gaijin says" = simon says, but with a foreigner in japan
"kiku mi" is katakana for "kick me"

side note: i was all over town with the street kids last night saying goodbye/goodluck to the great tomokazu. he's going to study english in australia for a year! i had a fab time, but drank too much and stayed out too late.. i must have slept through my alarm.. not planning on making this sort of thing a habit..  

weekend exploits: okayama bouken

i occasionally have a friend who plays her guitar in a small enclosed storefront near ECC. she calls herself robin but spells herself "lovin" (l's and v's don't exist in japanese, so they are acceptable phonetic/spelling equivalents to r's and b's, respectively). she fills her enclosure with full-voiced reverberations of sad soulful songs and minor key melodies. she doesn't speak much english, but can write anything she wants to say. so, we’ve had a few conversations over guitar and pen. i made her a cd of music i love and she gave me a ticket to see her at an acoustic showcase @ "desperado". i had my street pal ayako draw me a really bad map!

i went directly after work thursday, but missed her set. i hung out anyway and watched the following acts. i couldn't understand what they were singing about, but decided that no lyrics, no matter how poetic or perfectly timed, could have saved these guys from mediocrity. no matter, after the show i found myself at at the grown-up table. the artists were all somewhat acquainted and we all ate and drank together. robin wrote short translations for me when she could, but for the most part i was just smiling politely and enjoying myself. i felt bad that i missed robin's gig, so i bought a ticket from her to see her band, suashi (barefoot), at "crazy mama 2". i had one of the musicians draw me a really bad map on the other side of my map to desperado. (see next blog: rock and roll?)

friday night was one of those lonely nights that found me out in front of takashimaiya with guitar. i met new friends there and was swept off to a karaoke nomihodai (that's all you can drink, holmes). the english catalogue was small, but amazing! it looked more like someone's personal collection than a statistical sampling of western top 40. to name a few, there was an unfairly represented weezer collection and hedwig's "the origin of love". rocked, i rolled to off to see street dude jeanjacque's art exhibition, "air" at a chill cafe' called cheri. the owner is a cool pakistani guy who is fluent in over 7 forms of communication (he shared a shocking number of other qualities with c3po too). i finished the night off with a late-night guitar jam with 3 dudes who were sharing robin's enclosure. i have a lot of fun for a guy with no real friends..

saturday was an ecc christmas consolation prize. the real party was cancelled due to low sign up, so a mere 25 of us went to an indian restaurant that lola recently found (she easily sways the will of the many). the food was awesome and i got to know some of my students a little better. we ate and drank and after partied at the daikon. (not my favorite place, but these days i'll take any social distraction i can get).

rock and roll?

i finally found a venue rank and foul spelling enough to carry the status of DIVE BAR! it's name it "crazy mama 2" - and they call it a live house!

the elevator dumps you onto the fifth floor with only enough space to pay the man and move inside. the hall itself is fumbling dark and smells like a frat house basement. red spotlight oozes from the stage and mingles with cigarette smoke filling with room with a fluid, burning sensation. a green haired man behind a cage sits sunglassed and motionless pumping indiscernible punk at a vengeful volume - arms crossed, he more than anyone looks completely unaffected and uninterested in it. the floor changes level and texture with mild regularity (good). the ventilation system and piping in the ceiling are all exposed and sloppily painted black (check). the walls are decorated with many years accumulation of photocopied flyers and hanging extension chords (check +). finally, the kids are long-haired, safety-pinned, and drinking beer from paper cups! sure enough, this place has all the sure signs of a proper dismal chamber. though i'm filled with an odd sense of foreboding, for me, this place is a little slice of home - let the rocking commence!

the first band, a 2 piece, takes the stage in silent darkness. full on feedback and lights up, they rock along with work they've done on a laptop pc. despite their lack of a live drummer, they lay down a respectable intro with real from-the-heart rock! my ears are ringing and my heart is soaring.

***

it was then, when things seemed their most promising, that they took a turn for the topsy-turvy. the group finished their first song to polite applause.. and then.. complete silence. the singer took center stage.. and, with the exact posture and mannerisms of a first-grader reciting his single memorized line of the gettysburg address, informed the crowd politely of the evenings events. i couldn't believe my eyes! i looked around the room at the audience - he had their undivided attention! it was then that i noticed that they were USING the ash trays. they were making sure people behind them could see. there were 3 trash cans.. these kids were recycling, godamnit! the singer, with a series of low bows, took another minute to respectfully thank everyone involved for their contributions to the nights performance. then, in super-honorific japanese, he begged us (the audience) for our acceptance and approval of his work and his person.

only having completed this all-too-japanese ritual was he free to finally rock our socks off once more. i thought the event was a fluke, but smaller versions of the same display occurred at regular intervals and by every band! throughout the night, the most punk of all rockers temporarily reverted from a spiky hellspawn to a schoolboy and back again! it was a little strange to hear the japanese super-honorific used just seconds before the english, "ONE, TWO, FUCK YOU!", but it wasn't long before i was bowing along with the rest of the crowd to show our thanks and approval.

despite their un-punk politeness, these bands were unusually skilled in both their technical ability and complete rock stage presence. in fact, when they were switched on, they were ALL way more talented than the average group of shit head americans that play the pig in ann arbor. maybe there's something square-peg about punk rock that doesn't easily fit into polite japanese culture, but these blokes knew the score. it's not as easy to get a rock group together in a society of small spaces and neighborly way - these guys worked very hard to play this shit stage and their hard work showed in their performance.

dive bar = good. color me regular -

there's an upscale department store across from the okayama train station called takashimaiya. during business hours the place is a bright shining temple of modern consumerism - a hustle/bustle of top fashion under marble columns and vaulted ceilings. the tall windows that line the front of the building idyllically display giant back-lit photos of name-brand diamonds and dresses weakly hanging from towering, cheek-boned euro-models. but after night falls and the last customers have gone, the stutters come down and the front of the building becomes a foreboding and dimly light fortress. the single dark-red symbol "takashimaya" frowns from each of the steel doors warding off intruders and protecting the treasures inside.

it's here, huddled against the shelter of this same fortress, that okayama's street youth congregate nightly to sell their art and play their songs under the dim yellow lights - and it's here that i've found many friends.

the first to arrive (and usually the last to leave) is the beautiful but silent miss tanaka. she comes nightly with a pocketed plastic sheet filled with poetry she's scrawled onto blank postcards. it gets quite cold at night and poor miss tanaka is never properly dressed for the occasion. she sits on a little pillow and rocks for warmth. her toes, visible through her work shoes are frozen, but she's usually smiling. she rarely sells anything, and surely doesn't expect to turn a profit - that's why i like her - she's happily freezing for her art.

usually accompanying miss tanaka are three regulars from okayama university. two of them, ayako and tomokazu, bravely speak loads of scattered english - so i tend to keep them close for aid in communication. ayako is a real scatter brain and once i get her speaking in english or graded language japanese, she's stuck that way and no one else can understand her. she's usually there with no agenda what-so-ever, but occasionally writes or does pastel drawings for friends. tomokazu sometimes brings his guitar and sets up a music stand to badly over strum 3-chord songs from a japanese fake book; but he's a cool guy.

occasionally on weekends there's a willy wonka-esc character who sets up an elaborate workshop on a blanket to make beaded hemp bracelets and cell phone accessories. he sits cross-legged in the center of his shop wearing a beret, a long red jacket, and gloves with a few missing fingertips to help keep his hands warm and still allow him to work. he really is both and artist and a performer - engaging people and telling stories and jokes. he's a nice guy and a fabulous addition to the group because he naturally draws a crowd of customers and random observers.

a few nights a week there's a 2-peice acoustic duo called monday moon - they rock your socks off acoustic style! they shout in harmony and one of them occasionally put down his ax to jump more or play the harmonica for a song. it's all in japanese, but they are pretty great - i joined them one night and we bonded over the universally known greenday tracks - even internationally the same 3 or 4 songs are universally known by kids who were in junior high school in '94. cool dudes.

sometimes there's a 4 piece band that packs up and plays there every few weeks or so. the drummer has a tiny (in fact, nearly portable) 3 piece drum kit and the bassist and guitarists play through miniature amps each about the size of a bread box. the three gents do a very polite jazz thing while this cool chick belts out an effected blues melody in cowboy boots. she doesn't need a microphone. they are cool and always smiling to see me.

sometimes there's a guy who does traditional japanese calligraphy in black and orange. he always lays out a few finished peices - some on paper, some painted over photos he's taken - but mostly does custom work by request. he gets a lot of attention and it's entrancing to watch him work. he keeps his brushes in expired screw-top bottles of o-sake and keeps a full one close by. his girlfriend is there and busies about helping fetch things and collecting payment. the artist himself is very serious. he sits on his knees with a cloth work surface folded in font of him. he gets challenging custom requests from dunk passers by and begins his work. his girlfriend bows in front of him and places a new piece of thick paper on his surface. he takes a long sip from his plastic bottle and has a long think over his task. he prepares his brushes. with both the orange and the black brush in his right hand he sets in motion a series of controlled explosions on paper. he occasionally touches up, when he's done, but i've never seen him make a mistake. his customer is always impressed and exceedingly thankful.

an older guy places strummy covers of western music. he's managed to only pick the worst and most cliché songs to have in his repertoire: desperado, hey jude, country road, etc. his english is ok, but when he's singing he has no sense for timing or melody, so it's like he's quickly speaking short bursts of lyrics at the chord changes. i smile as hard as i can - it's all i can do to not laugh out loud. but he's a nice guy and always has a little flask of whiskey that gets passed around.

there are other various guitar kids and hangers out who know me by now. every time i show up the group is ecstatic to see me as if they expected to never see me again. i usually drop by a few nights a week at least to say hi. sometimes i stay for hours and play music with them. they are a great group - excepting, friendly, giving - unique, obnoxious, hilarious. in any corner of the world - my kind of people.

terebi

i finally hooked up my tv last night to watch the K1 martial arts tournament. okayama only has 6 channels and they are all controlled by the japanese government's media lapdog, NHK. as far as i can tell, there's no distinction between them. japanese tv is dangerously engaging. it holds every ounce of your attention with crazy sound effects, high pitched voices, and a barrage of superimposed subtitles and special effects! even the "talk shows" are like a psychedelic dream sequence. i'm happy to report that every program is unusually preoccupied with amazing food!

guess what's on RIGHT NOW!!

3: a very old school japanese spy drama with an all marionette cast (excepting the shots of real life cars, buildings, and human hands holding guns and stumbling feet)! this is especially funny since the team america movie came out. this art form was clearly perfected in japan.

35: a korean soap opera. it looks just like the awful japanese soap operas (not to be confused with the samurai dramas and the mysteries). everyone watches the korean dramas and assumes that no one does - when my students admit their guilty pleasure in discussion, they are always surprised to find out other people watch korean dramas too! come on, guys - there are only 6 channels - you all watch the SAME CRAP!

5: beautiful panoramic shots of iceland, new zealand, and japan. baby seals and birds fade in and out with slowly zooming shots of flowers and waterfalls. the time is the only thing superimposed on the screen for once. a mans voice describes the beauty for the deaf (maybe?) and provides scientific tidbits national geographic style. i like this program, but it's really just a commercial for high definition television.

9: wow! it's a dubbing of the seinfeild show!! jerry's voice is not nearly aggravating enough.. but george's is spot on! this guy sound's like jason alexander speaking in japanese!! even the laugh! elaine is pretty good too, so is kramer! this is crazy..

11: a just-in-time-for-christmas infomercial for a kick ass vacuum cleaner! the fast talking salesmen will occasionally say entire phrases in almost english! it looks like he's throwing in the air circulator for free!

23: girls a gogo = three girls in their bathing suites are sitting together on a carpet in soft focus. one is reading a children’s book to the other two who are holding a teddy bear and eating cake, respectively. there's way too much reverb on the story reading and there's a periodic man's voice excitedly commenting on the events taking place.. i'm lost, but i can't look away.

25: japanese pro wrestling! pretty much just like american pro wrestling.. but with more (possibly fake) blood. the K1 fight last night was full contact kick boxing and definitely real. it was tournament style and as far as i could tell there was almost no distinction for weight class!

daijobu: the ducktape phrase

i mentioned earlier that my daily transactions (proudly conducted in japanese) can be potentially over-complicated by questions. they might be normal everyday questions like, "will that be for here or to go?" - or - "would you like miso soup with that?" - maybe even - "would you like to become a "love drugs" club card member and save 10% on purchases throughout the month of december?"

as simple as these questions might seem, they can turn an everyday transaction - one that was going so smoothly - into a language train wreck!

Example: "blah blahblah-ka?" - i know it's a question because the asker clearly expects me to speak or do something that i didn't anticipate. i'm frozen. my mind is a blank. whatever utterance they provided me as a prompt is already miles away, spoken at natural speed - that being way too fast, and my only options are to ask them to repeat themselves or to slow down. both are embarrassing and there's no guarantee that i'll get it the second time anyway.

the trouble only escalates from here. the asker might give me a more detailed explanation or speak louder to help me understand.. neither helps. they might pantomime or wave their arms, attempting to communicate by telekinesis. though this is a clever trick, it only provides more evidence that people all over the world do the backstroke in EXACTLY the same way.

More Trouble: lately i've been entertaining myself by mentally putting words into everyone's mouths. the man on the corner passing out flyers and tissue paper is making sure everyone knows which one to wipe their ass with and which one will get them 100 yen off at hiro's hunk-a-hunk-a burning barbeque. (mmm.. barbeque.. damn! just a flyer for another pachinko place). the monk with the straw hat and the ninja shoes is collecting money to send buddhists on boat tours - he's chanting the words to the gilligan’s island theme song but doesn't know the tune. i think those buddhists should have their boat tours, but now every time i ride by the train station he gets that stupid monotone song in my head for hours - themiiinnnooooww..whouldbeeeloooost..

though entertaining, my language inference method has only made the question-and-backstroke game far more complicated. "would you like a bag for that sir?" becomes, "who was the guy who played daniel-san in the karate kid?"

fuck - i don't remember. wasn't he in menudo? shit, i don't know how to ask that in japanese.. i'll just say nothing and smile - maybe she'll get bored and go away.. they've got to close sometime.. i can wait as long as she does..

Salvation: lucky for me, there's a phrase that can make all my troubles disappear: "daijobu."

it means, "you don't need to see my identification. these aren't the droids your looking for. move along." (lit. alright, OK, safe). it can be a one word question, answer, 5th amendment plea, and saving grace all rolled into one! whatever the situation, this phrase brings things to a comfortable close. when someone says, "daijobu" the curtain of uncertainty and anxiety is lifted and everyone can smile and wish each other a good day.

*the lady at the post office: “what’s the distance this package will travel when compared to it’s final displacement? please write your answer here as a factor of pi.”

just say, "daijobu." (in this case, "about pi/2 i think – but whatever you think is best. unregistered mail is fine. we can forgo all that formal paperwork just this once, don't you think?")

*the girl at the convenience store: “and how many blackbirds would you like baked in that pie, sir?”

just say, “daijobu." (in this case, "you're very cute, but i have absolutely no idea what your saying. aren't you impressed by my mastery of the japanese language?")

*the cop standing over me as i unlock my bicycle: “after you unlock that bicycle, would you like to come over to my house? my wife just baked a pie!”

just say, "daijobu?" (in this case, "thanks, officer! that’s sweet of you, but i just had some pie. maybe next time.")

daijobu is all you need. it's your exit. it's your good-switch flipped to on. it's your best friend in japan! i could publish a new one-word phrase book, "daijobu" by michael josiah solo. finally a phrase book that actually works.

Back on the bike, now with a mission - get me a thanksgiving dinner 1500 thousand miles from home. Just down the street from my apartment lives a man who just might come through for me. His name is colonel sanders and he's added a secret 11th ingredient to his chicken that has made it more delicious than any other! His fame has spread from the heart of america to every corner of the known universe. Merry thanksgiving!

Mori the impossible

in a uniform society that is obsessed with the latest fashion, it’s not everyday that you come by a girl who keeps it real in her converse shoes and a hooded sweatshirt:

Mori Muri – enter the impossible girl.

“the big daikon” is okayama’s most popular venue for alcohol consumption and "international exchange". it’s populated and packed nightly with every idiot gaijin in town. i had heard a lot about it (from every idiot gaijin in town) and i admit i was curious, but i’m sticking to my story – i was dragged there by a coworker.

when we rolled up around 11pm, the party was well underway. i went up the stairs and was slapped in the senses by red light, cigarette smoke, and a tom jones hip-hop remix. people were yelling and dancing and drunk! an australian man “dressed” like a cat (wearing nothing but his briefs and boots) greeted us. “never met you blokes before, ya’ backpackers?” no, and i’ve never met you either, dude – i would have remembered a naked man with ears and a tail.

i spent about 2 beers scoping stupid people. it was easy – they were everywhere! there was a chubby drunk white girl dancing on the bar inches from a young passed-out japanese. there were 2 japanese women in their 60’s sitting at the bar and playing gaijin grab-ass. but mostly there was a wide assortment of skinny, nerdy, white guys wearing haircuts and frat boy uniforms dating back as far as 1997.

even among the handful of english speakers who shared my situation in okayama, i wasn’t fitting in or having any fun. i went outside to avoid people and feel sorry for myself (my favorite activity when stupid people are having more fun than me). mori must have had the same idea. she was sweat-shirted, sneaker-ed, and balled up on the steps out front. she was drinking a can of vending machine coffee and it clearly wasn’t working in whatever way she hoped it would. i sat down and publicly expressed my disinterest in hanging out with “stupid fucking gaijin.” she laughed out loud (in english, that is. most girls here sort of giggle and cover their mouths) - i had made a friend.

“you are a stupid fucking gaijin, de-sho?!” (aren’t you?)

i denied it flatly, “iie, nihon-jin des.” (no, i’m japanese)

“than you are a stupid fucking japanese! no problem, yo. i am too – i have to fucking work tomorrow.” we talked and laughed. she was absolutely tickled by my use of profanity and my cruel generalizations regarding the okayama gaijin. she struggled to keep up. “you are fucking cool, yo.”

i told her i was leaving and she was coming with me. she tried to tell me she couldn’t, but didn’t know enough english to explain why. so i was able to drag her away from the daikon and her friends and we had a beer at my favorite izakaiya. She updated my phrase book with impolite men’s japanese and “dirty” okayama dialect (the only japanese she uses). i thought she was great.

we took a ride on my bicycle and she chanted “move it, move it!” and reached around me to ring the bell for the duration of the ride. i would have kept her forever, but she insisted i take her back to the daikon and her friends. we traded phone numbers and I she kissed me on the cheek.

now mori’s my new best friend! we’ve been on a few adventures and i hope there will be many more to come!

inaka bauken = country adventure!

i woke up at 6:00 and was surprised to find that i had beat the sun up. i packed up my little room and my bag and laced up my hiking boots!

i wandered around the little streets in between the little houses and gardens on the island. i had gone back in time - all of the houses were old and there clearly wasn't a modern sewer system. even walking amongst the houses in town i kept noticing the biggest fucking spiders i'd ever seen just hanging out on their big horrible webs! i was creeped out!

i made my way up and away from the houses to the base of the tallest peak on the island. there was a line of red torii gates covering the trail that wound up the face of what turned out to be a small mountain and a pretty challenging climb. i reached to top in time to see a foggy, but cool sunrise! i hiked from peak to peak that morning and saw some great views of the islands that dot the inland sea. i packed out and ferried back in time for a very long day at work..

i've taken my weekend to catch up on grocery shopping and laundry and things. too much go, go, go. i've fallen behind in my blogging and i'm all adventured out. i'm glad i went before winter really set it though. i'll go back in the summer and i'll try and check out all the other villas.

sunrise from an observation point on shiraishi island:

tuesday's a national holiday? cool! i couldn't very well let my unexpected holiday go to waste, so i packed an overnight bag and headed out to one of okayama's international villas! i took a train to a the tiny town of kasaoka and boarded a ferry for shiraishi island! the sun was setting, so i didn't see much that night. i checked in to the villa and it turns out i would have the whole place to myself. it was big and clean and nice!

i stayed in the japanese style room and did lots of japanese things! i wore a little blue robe around and took a long bath. then i made my bed on the floor and read a book under the kotatsu quilt!

sunset from the ferry to shiraishi island:

here's my little shop! i presented my story as a listening exercise in one of my upper-level classes and it was a big hit!  

cooking class?! hell yeah, sign me up!

everything at the grocery store is completely foreign to me. well, not completely - i mean, i know what's an octopus and what's a freeze-dried crab, but that doesn't mean i know how to go about preparing them for consumption (other than chopping them up and serving them raw over a small hand-packed piece of rice with wasabi). anyway, i've been sticking to the precooked and instant stuff and enjoying it. but until i saw the posting for the cooking class at the international center, i wasn't sure how i would ever begin cooking for myself. suppose i had pots and pans (or plates for that matter..) - if i wanted to use them, where would i begin? lucky for me japanese cooking is just like any other cooking - take food, make it hot, flavor to taste. the trick here is knowing what to use to recreate those authentic flavors found at all the incredible restaurants i've visited!

most of the class consisted of learning how to cut the fruits and vegetables so that the final product would be attractive (i've finally found a semi-practical function for my pumpkin carving skills). we made salt-grilled pacific saury (little fishes), assorted boiled foods (that was hard..), and miso soup. there was no real trick to it, but i learned a lot about the typical ingredients and how to make some home cook'n japanese style! i had a fun time, met some cool people, and ate like a king! 

green! here is the fabulous Korakuen! i've got to get an unlimited pass to this garden and go there all the time! check out this crazy great website for better pictures than mine! (click the kanji on the far right for pictures from all four seasons. more information in english can be found on the other links there)

http://www.city.okayama.okayama.jp/museum/korakuen-shiki/main/top.htm

i finally got to do a bit of sight seeing today. you know, it's totally warm and sunny here.. this is november right? here's okayama castle from the foot bridge over the river to karaku-en garden.  

you know, for a country that makes some completely wicked motorcycles, japan can't make a bicycle to save it's life.. it's true - this bike sucks. the pick up is lousy, the handling is lousy, the suspensions is non-existent, and the center of the turning radius is right below the handlebars even at it's lousy top end. it only has one gear and someone set it to lousy.

every other bike in the country is exactly like this one too - it's like a communist ration bicycle or something. they all have the basket on the front and the rack on the back (that's where you put your wife). they all have the same little light with wheel generator and the same little bell.

i think that they have been government regulated to suck so that people will fear and respect them and give them the proper right of way - that is, the get-the-hell-out-of-the way. still after all the sucking this bike does, it has greatly improved my mobility. bikes here go everywhere. the sidewalk, the street, the subway, the mall. some even fold in half and go in the closet.

everywhere i go, people are riding their bicycles. Sometimes they talk on their cell phones. sometimes it rains and they carry an umbrellas AND they talk on their cell phones. the men wear their suites and their ties and carry their brief cases on their bicycles. the women wear their heels and their skirts and go shopping for their name brand clothes on their bicycles. old people on bicycles go slow. *ring *ring! young people on bicycles go fast! *whoosh! babies on bicycles sit in the baskets. dogs on bicycles sit with the babies. *woof! a little lady on a big bicycle - go lady, go! a big man on a little bicycle - go man, go! a girl in a school uniform sits on the front of her boyfriend's bicycle. a girl with platform shoes stands on the back of her boyfriend's bicycle. go girls, go! go, boyfriends, go! 2 people on a bicycle having tea. 3 people on a bicycle having sake. where are they going? they are going fast! they are going to that train station over there.. what's happening at that train station over there? why, it's a bicycle party! a BIG bicycle party! a big bicycle party with sake and tea! look at all the people on their bicycles. aren't they happy?

here's a shot of my new bed (just delivered this morning). it's so poochie and soft, dude! i'm going to sleep so well tonight.. let's have a quick show of comments: who would sleep on top and who would sleep in the cubby and why?

in other kick ass news, i got a second hand bicycle! it's totally granny-powered and basket-ed.. pictures coming.. i will brace for your laughter.

here's something you won't see in osaka - trees! we've got real parking lots here too, though they are still small by american standards. i've been doing most of my wandering around at night because i don't get out of work until about 9:00. tonight i hung around with my pal iz from my training group after work. she's got the privilege of subbing in okayama with me all week. we got some curb-side sake from the seven eleven and some fucking awesome ramen. tomorrow we're getting up early to check out the karaku-en (kick ass garden), weather permitting, oh course.
 

this is the reopalace gran esperansa! my door is the second from the left. it looks pretty futuristic from the outside, but the interior is comforting and hospitable with wood floors and soft lighting! 

my first day of school!

.. was exhausting!! i taught 4 double free time lessons (80 min.) to 2 students each. a pretty standard day at okayama ecc, but a wild ride for me! it's clear that at this point the students are far more familiar with the procedures than i am.. every time i took creative license with the very standardized lessons, i would get a few sideways glances and small utterances of the japanese equivalent of "what the fuck did he just say?"

i showed up this morning about 2 hours early and beat everyone in! i met my director by accident (who would have thought she would be a young attractive girl named suki? "director" just sounds so angela lansbury to me..) it turns out there is only one other staff member besides her. they are both very nice and i can tell they run that school like a well oiled machine!

about half way through the day a very tall and very sharp tia carrere look-alike rolled in rawking knee-high boots and carrying a motorcycle helmet. she wore an ipod on her belt (which was the style at the time). the stopped and rolled her hips to give the camera a few seconds to pan up and the flash bulbs to pop before she tossed her hair and took off her sunglasses - slide guitar. she cursed in japanese and dropped her helmet on the counter. the now three japanese women laughed and chatted about in bird-like fashion before she shoved me a hand and a smile and introduced herself in perfect english. "hey, i'm Lola. i'm the other english teacher!" yikes. she teaches beginning students (adults) in the carpeted room. they leave a neat row of knee high boots just outside the door.

after work i ate and drank at a yakitori in downtown okayama. i had some fried wontons and rice and miso with muscles. i sat at the bar and the guys behind the counter were yelling a lot enjoying themselves! i got to use all the japanese i know and learned a little more.

i do it all again tomorrow! i think one of my pals from my training group is coming out to okayama to sub for a few days so we'll hang out and eat! i’ll take some food pictures for you guys!

here's a shot of the beauteous countryside i rolled by at close to 200 kmph! we popped in and out of tunnels and only stopped 4 times before arriving in okayama 45 min. after departure.  

here it comes - the shinkansen!! this fucker rolled in so damn fast i'm surprised i got a picture of it! i turned around to gather all my stuff (i have so much godamn stuff) and when i was all loaded up, the doors snapped shut! about 100 people had made the exchange successfully in about 45 seconds and i was left standing there on the platform like an idiot. lucky for me they run every 12 min. from osaka to okayama!  

bike club: zero to hero

with the exception of the totally respectable guys in my training group crew, most of the western men i've met here are complete whores! that's not to say that they're not cool guys - it's just that sex has been re-set as their primary prerogative. now it's comes somewhere between breathing and eating/sleeping (this is where i keep coffee).

this special breed of sexual predator can often be seen riding their bicycles downtown with a girl sitting (and sometimes standing) on the little luggage rack on the back (a shockingly common mode of tandem transportation in japan). a frightening number of these bastards came to japan with the soul intention of performing demeaning sex acts on as many japanese women as possible. but the others were transformed by a concept i like to call "zero to hero". simply put, they were perfectly normal losers back home and when they came to japan they were instantly upgraded to rockstar!! (i'm immune to such foolishness because i've always had the blind self confidence of a rockstar). their new-found glory goes straight to their head and they selfishly abuse their new ability to sweep women of all descriptions right off their feet at the expense of their self respect and the equality of the fairer sex. they really believe that they are so special and charming that they can woo women without words. these men are a disgrace to all western kind and should be ashamed of themselves! however, it's not entirely their fault.

sex is the key word in osaka - downtown is jam packed with sex shows, hostess clubs, and love hotels. the women here dress in the shortest skirts and the highest heels you can imagine with hair and makeup to match! i can't go so far as to say that the japanese live without morals, but when it comes to sex, their ethics aren't exactly Judeo-Christian. most guys forget everything their moma' ever taught them with a shrug - "when in rome.." they'll say, as if the supposedly wise saying excuses them from thinking for themselves.

i spent some time in a british pub this weekend, hoping to meet some english-speaking western and japanese people (ok, girls). but it turns out that popular gaijin bars are just swinger's joints - every one is there to hook up. i had to dodge the advances of a cute but somewhat older and somewhat married woman out looking for a new "english teacher" for the night. eek! when they make it this easy it's no wonder so many western men turn to the dark side.

guys, with great power comes great responsibility. just because women throw themselves at you doen't mean you should catch them! you would be more skeptical of a pizza you found in the street (how did this pizza get here? who's pizza is this? why does this pizza like me so much anyway? and how many other random people has this pizza had sex with?). see, even in their most objectified state, easy women should be met with the proper caution (or at least skepticism)!

but if one decent guy passes a girl by for their mutual benefit and the embetterment of mankind, another will certainly scoop her up and tie her to the back of his bicycle, short skirt, high heels and all.

hotties: mia and mariko showed me around Umeda and Kansi University! i met mariko when our airplane got typhooned to tokyo for a night. she was coming back to japan from a year of studying in St. Louis and her english is awesome! her university had a huge festival and all the students were out showing off their culinary skills for about $1 each! there were also some pretty talented rock bands sharing a stage in the center of campus. kick ass!!

here's the ECC building in Namba! besides an english conversation school there is also an ecc cosmetics and bride training school here.. but we don't see much of them. 

it's a rare occation when i see a car that i recognize here! most of the names are the same, but the cars are smaller and boxier. because space is so limited i've seen some pretty fancy inovations on the parking lot. this one here works like a vending machine and another one i've seen works like a cd changer - the car in front spins on a platform while the others in the machine are on shuffle. 

why did bobby have to move..?

i couldn't sleep. why did bobby have to move.. since i had arrived in osaka, every one i had met knew about bobby. all i had to do was mention "ecc" & "okayama" and they would say, "oooohhh... you're replacing bobby!"

among ecc employees and otherwise, bobby lived in INFAMY!! EVERYONE knew about it! they had either met bobby or knew someone who had. it was incredible how popular his story was - but when i asked, all i got was vague answers and dodging behavior. no one would give me a straight answer.. why did bobby have to move?

- bobby was the ecc employee i'd been sent to replace. i had actually asked for the guy's email pre-departure and sent him an embarrassingly long list of stupid questions. he responded at equally embarrassing length - still he seemed like a nice enough guy. i was afraid bobby had left okayama because of a manager-from-hell scenario or some similarly bad situation i was about to get myself into. in his reply he told me that the school was great, that the director and the staff were great, that he loved it there! because there is only one small school in okayama, he even had the rare opportunity to get to know the students and staff really well. "this could also become a problem," he hinted. bobby was moved on a company decision - i had guessed it was the repercussion of an inappropriate relation with a student or staff member.

after hearing so much about bobby without hearing a damn thing about bobby, i wasn't so sure anymore. i now had a complex web of single sentence hints from which i was trying to triangulate a nebular region of likelihood in what could be described mathematically as bobby-space. bobby had been described as memorable, weird, really outgoing, a special case, a great guy, and a bit of a nerd. i had heard that bobby wasn't working out, that he wasn't fitting in, that he wasn't doing a great job, and that he just had to get out of there. one clue was a constant: all would be made clear when i met him.

why would i have to meet him to understand? was he a cripple-midget-rastafarian that was pressured to leave through racial tension? was he a mad beatnik revivalist? how would meeting him help me understand why he had to leave?

i couldn't sleep..

at work the next day i was a wreck and the kids training was dragging me all around the mulberry bush. i still couldn't stop thinking about bobby. at the end of the day i was asked to see personnel upstairs. i was taking over 2 of bobby's upper level classes and had to schedule some extra training. i was also taking over bobby's old apartment. who is this guy who's life i've been handed? why did he have to move? i tried one last time to pry - "and what mistake am i learning from, exactly?"

it was a collection of personnel that eventually gave it away through discrete nods to narrow and narrower questions (even that word, "discrete," having been written on a cigarette pack as a piece of good advice). bobby had indeed been involved in multiple inappropriate relationships with students. i should have just gone with my gut.

it was finally solved! i could go home and finally forget all about bobby. it was a somewhat disappointing ending to the mystery - the truth hardly seemed a story worth the infamy it had risen to. i punched out and stepped into the elevator. just as the doors were closing a tiny hobnail boot was stuffed in-between the doors. they shuddered and slowly opened to reveal a dreadlocked midget in a wheelchair wearing a diaper and a 10-gallon hat. "oh!" i said, "you must be bobby!" (that last part isn't true - sorry) -mike!

out drinking with the ecc crew - today was our first lesson in kids training! we all got paid to sing songs, play games, and sit in our sock feet on little pillows on the floor. 

there is a sweet shine on my walk to work! it's crazy how an insane city like namba can have an oasis of serenity just off the main drag. 

room upgrade!

my landlord is kind of a dipshit. well, he's not even my landlord - he's just the english speaking rep. for my landlord. anyway, he's a dip shit. he fucked up and rented my tiny-ass room to some other foreigner and i got bumped downstairs. i'm only there for another 1.7 weeks and i wasn't very moved in, so i didn't care all that much. i think i'll have the same landlord when i get to okayama, so doing the guy a favor couldn't hurt. but then, like i said, he's a dipshit and he really made it feel like i was doing him a favor.. i had to get up early and pack up all my shit he was more than an hour late and i had to leave a note and walk to a payphone (pictured) and call him and blah blah blah. so yeah, dipshit. anyway, when all was said and done, i was moved into a much bigger, much nicer room! check out my fab pad (pictured)!

other than that it's been lots of work and lot's of homework. we've been drilling our new teaching skills for lower level students and we gave real-time presentations on monday. the procedures are standard and the teaching skills are mostly common sense (grading our language, using prompting and gestures, etc.). i did fine, whatever. they were mostly checking to see that we were paying attention and were capable humans. my other coworkers are mostly fun and that helps!

hop'n namba at night - the local street food specialty is a fryed potato+egg pancake folded over cabage and spicy brown sauce SO GOOD!!! i got one after work and watched some J league baseball with all the other men in suites. 

here's an international pay phone that means business!!  

check out my fab new room - well, for the next 12 weeks at least. now that's more like it.. (standing in kitchen, bathroom on the right)